Make this Valentine’s Day the day your sex life changed. Instead of begging, demanding or guilting your partner into giving you oral, show her how and why it can be nearly as satisfying for her as it is for you.
With the average mouth depth being only 3 to 4-inches, and the average penis length at 5 to 6-inches, it’s no wonder why some people have trouble gobbling the knob. But it is something that can be learned. Deep-throating your lover one inch at a time can be fairly easy, once you put your mind where your mouth is.
The first important question to answer in this debate is why exactly do guys want their partners to swallow. This is something that many couples don’t really think about and often if a guy is asked why, he might say something along the lines of “I dunno, just because” or “because I like it.”
There are blow jobs and there are super-awesome-magnificent-awe inspiring-take you out of this world blowjobs. Don’t get me wrong—any blowjob is a good blowjob, but there are things that can make it even more special. It’s all about timing, enthusiasm, and concentration.
It can be a twisted path toward the female orgasm. The moves that worked last time will not necessarily work the next, and women are not always the most vocal in directing men to how they want to be pleasured for fear of insulting their partner. On top of that, women tend to have sex with their brains more than any other organ. We have to want it, and to feel like you want it to, to really enjoy it. But hey, the greater the challenge, the greater the reward.
Asked by you, answered by Ava
Everyone’s love life deserves a second opinion. Ava is here to answer questions about Liberator products, your sex life, or sex in general. Curious about the best sex positions for a bad back? Wondering how to fit your playtime into a busy schedule? Trying to find the perfect toy to surprise your spouse with? Ava is here to help.
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So ask away! No question is too small or too far out!
Perhaps you can answer a two-part question. I’m a lesbian and recently started seeing a beautiful woman that I adore. Neither of us want to be penetrated by anything resembling a penis. All the toys that I’ve found all look like penises and really turn me off. Since If I don’t want anything like that inserted, does it mean we aren’t having sex? Also, what kind of things can we do to enhance our lovemaking that does not involve something fake?
Remember when we all had to sit through health class and listen to the gym-teacher drone on about the subject of sex. Over and over again, we were told that boy meets girl — girl kisses boy — boy sticks it in — and well you know the rest. Even back then, I knew something was amiss!
For this topic, I chose to Google “lesbian sex”. Why was I so surprised to find that there are close to 120 million sites dedicated to just lesbian sex alone? It must be because women are beautiful in all forms. Or it could be because a majority of the online content are gif’s showing women penetrating themselves with penis-like sex toys.
So, in my quest for the truth about lesbian sexcapades, I reached out to the source. This is what my long time, same-sex bestie had say about her lesbian sexual experiences — “The sexual portrayal of lesbian women is way too “pornish” and a prime example of male-driven fantasy. Lesbian sex is as unique and elusive as an orgasm — you can only understand it if you have experienced it yourself.”
Because sex, as a whole, is such a massive topic and there is tons of material to cover. The following are the highlights that my lovely lesbian tour-guide shared with me about sex and penetration.
The X to the O
One women that I met said that she really loves just making-out. In fact, her preference of lovemaking is to make out heavily! She poetically describes it as “something deep that happens between two women — something ethereal and beyond the range of written language or even abstract thought.” What really turns her on, is the that she can physically bond with her partner through the lips rather than the genitals.
Of course, kissing is a universal sign of affection and spans beyond either straight or gay sex. It’s something that can create a close bond. To enhance your level of seduction and foreplay, allow me to direct you to a recent posting on the Art of the Kiss. There is no right or wrong way to kiss, but learning different ways to express your love, through the art of the kiss, is fun and can certainly make your partner the X to your next O.
Oh Toy! Oh Toy!
It’s no secret that women enjoy the feeling of clitoral stimulation during intercourse. But when it comes to lesbian sex, there is a different viewpoint on what deserves to be inserted. Yes, skin-to-skin contact is a wonderful thing, but let’s not underestimate the power of batteries and silicone. For women who are into the shake, rattle, and roll, here some some killer vibes that can pack a real one-two punch without the visual dick distraction.
Tonight is your lucky night (wink wink) because a perfect solution for great pleasure comes in the shape of a ball. The Revel Body Sol Sonic Vibrator is just that, sonic! This incredible pleasure maker (or giver) is packed with a pulse action interchangeable vibrating tip that can be used on virtually any part of your body. Also, it’s discreet enough as a home decor appliance which will have your guest’s guessing.
The JimmyJane Form vibes are top-of-the-line wonderful, completely waterproof, and offer various ways of interacting with your partner. The Form 3 is shaped like a tongue, if that’s what you’re into. Also, if you are wanting to try some type of penetration, the Form 4 is able to be held in place with your legs while doing other things with your hands (including updating your facebook profile).
Truth be told, most sex toys can be used for any and all bodies in any and all couples or groupings. All you need is a little creativity, an open mind and some lube.
Teasing for a Pleasing
The gold standard of lesbian sex is oral sex. It’s luscious, tasty and a totally mind-altering experience when it’s good. And with a bit of tongue or finger insertion, it’s absolutely divine. So much so, that it almost feels a little like cheating.
To love oral sex, you’ve got to be committed to understanding that area of a woman. It’s not as simple as one thinks. As a lesbian, just because you have a clitoris doesn’t automatically make you good at oral sex, but it’s a big help. First off, you want to stimulate your lover’s clitoris, but also you want to enjoy her labia, her mound, her perineum (that space between the clitoris and the anus) and the taste of her. Oral sex involves really (and I mean really) using your tongue, lips and sometimes your fingers. As you explore your lover, be sensitive at first on how you discover the way she’s built.
Some women love your tongue to be rough and hard, while other women want it slow, gentle and easy. Some women hate penetration, while others crave it. If you don’t know, then use your mouth — to ask. It’s worth it to discover exactly what she likes because she’ll be putty in your hands when you can give her great oral sex. And be especially thankful if she speaks up to say do this or do that. She’s just made your work as her sex slave a lot easier!
In most respects, same-sex relationships are not much different from hetero relationships. Like everyone else, lesbian women fall in love and form committed relationships. Regardless of your sexuality, it’s important to be open and honest with your partner about your feelings, wants and desires. Beyond that, there are no predetermined rules to follow in any relationship regarding sex. Because sex is an expression of your love through action — demonstrating that love anyway you’re able — penetration or no penetration.
Asked by you, answered by Ava
Hey Ava, Is oral sex…sex?
Ava’s note: For these purposes, we will be focusing on straight couples. The history of same-sex intimate relationships is too varied and interesting to fit into this article. For more information on the history of homosexuality through the ages, click here.
Like looking into a night sky full of stars, there is no end to this question. So where to start but at the beginning? Blow jobs have been around as long as history, and it was probably practiced before the written word, but we don’t have hard evidence—so to speak!—to prove it.
One of the most important examples of the ancient art of going-down is from the myth of Isis and Osiris from Egypt. Osiris was killed by his brother and cut into pieces. Iris put his body back together but, the penis was missing. An artificial penis was made out of clay, and Iris “blew” life back into Osiris by sucking it. Many women still draw upon this act to ‘revive’ their men.
The Kama Sutra, the ancient religious text of the Hindus, breaks ‘mouth congress’ down into 8 distinct actions including ‘biting’, ‘kissing’, and ‘sucking a mango fruit.’ Similarly, in Chinese Taoism it has been aligned with longevity and the retaining of chi in spiritual practices. In Ancient Rome, however, sex was considered more of a power play between a dominant person and a passive person. Oral sex on a man was a big no-no—especially for two men—because it implied penetration in a way that was considered humiliating, even more so than anal sex.
For the ladies, however, it was much more covert. There are not as many mentions of pleasing women in this way, but the Kama Sutra does give some steamy instructions on how to give ‘the quivering kiss.’ And Taoism held it in high esteem, saying that it was a way to reclaim primordial chi from a time when the sexes were not separated. In Western society, the earliest depiction of cunnilingus actually comes from the Bible.
How beautiful your sandaled feet,
O prince’s daughter!
Your graceful legs are like jewels,
the work of a craftsman’s hands.
Your navel is a rounded goblet
that never lacks blended wine.
Your waist is a mound of wheat
encircled by lilies.
–Song of Solomon 7:1-2
It is interpreted that her ‘blended wine’ that lives in her naval actually comes from between her ‘graceful legs.’ How ironic then, that the idea that oral stimulation began to take a turn down a dark path because of religious beliefs. As Annie Auguste notes in her article, The History of Fellatio,
“As recently as the 19th century, sexual pleasure and any relation that didn’t lead directly to procreation — even within the structure of a traditional marriage — were mortal sins. So fellatio was, and remains to some extent, a taboo.”
Because of this idea that sex is something done for procreation, and oral is outside of a normal sex life, it can be considered a superficial act—a viewpoint comes in most handy if you are worried about your number of sexual partners. While oral sex can be just as intimate as traditional PIV sex, if it is considered separate, it can be a safe place for play without the pressures and emotional connotations of intercourse.
So is oral sex….sex? It can be, but it doesn’t have to be.
It depends on your and your partner, and on the emotional importance you put on the act. If you don’t want it to have the importance in your sexual repertoire as intercourse, then it doesn’t have to. It can free you up to engage and experiment, without putting emotional baggage on the act. As long as you and the person you engage with are aware of the stakes, there is no reason to give it more prominence than a good time had by all.
Likewise, oral can be a gift you give someone. It can be intimate and special, mostly because you can communicate through that act how you feel for a person. Plus, it can be enjoyable for the giver as well, to share in this moment with someone is truly bonding. This makes it sex in the most solid definition—an act to give and receive pleasure with someone you care about.
But do not delude yourself—anything sexual can have consequences, and if your partner considers oral to be sex, then you take that into consideration before you engage in what could have drastically different perceptions for both of you.
Happy mango sucking!
Got a question for Ava? Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org