I think everyone worries about being a dynamo in the sex department. For many—especially the penis-carriers among us—the inability to offer up an all-night-waking-the-neighbors-fest of sexual ecstasy creates tons anxiety and concern. I blame movies, which paint a pretty picture because they are fantasies, not reality.
Women have it made in the orgasm department. They can come multiple times with no end in sight. Men, however, are not so lucky. The average session of lovemaking lasts 14 minutes, with another 15 or so for foreplay. And while multiple male orgasms are achievable for some, many men are unable to respond afterwards. Luckily, if you are looking to stay up ‘til daybreak, there are ways to train your body to allow for all-night lovemaking with your partner. Orgasm control takes practice and patience, but totally worth the effort. It’s commonly called Edging, and it actually has a long history and deep roots.
Taoists consider ejaculation to be a waste of valuable life force. To understand how ejaculation is a waste of men’s energy, consider the common complaint by women that their lover cums and immediately falls asleep. (For women, however, an orgasm is considerably less draining, and in the Taoist tradition menstruation is the primary waste of women’s energy. Many women would agree!)
Because sexual chi is a powerful tool for staying young and vital, to maximize their lifetime and quality of life, Taoists of old recommended that men ejaculate less and less frequently as they age. Obviously this was a tall order, so rather than forgo that pleasure, they figured out how to orgasm without ejaculating.
Taoist Tantra harvests the energy of sexual arousal and circulates it throughout the body. While having intercourse or masturbating, the orgasmic energy heals, energizes AND enables a series of increasingly intense non-ejaculatory orgasms. Delaying or avoiding ejaculation by circulating sexual chi conserves and expands men’s energy—helping them combat stress and feel more vital.
The only downside is that learning this requires practice and some technical knowledge. We spoke with Sallie the Sexual Psychic to help us understand how this can be achieved. Sallie has given psychic readings about sex and desire since 2009 and teaches lessons in Taoist Tantra.
Sallie’s lessons in orgasm control for men begin with a lesson in how to move chi through the body’s primary “energy highways.” Energy can be stuck or held up, and it takes attention and practice to allow it to flow again.
Things get juicy only when the student has mastered the “energetic orbiting,” or channelling their energy through meditation. Students who persevere learn techniques to self-pleasure while delaying ejaculation, such as finding the “Million Dollar Point,” which is a pressure point used as a last resort to stop ejaculation. In ancient China, charlatans would charge the equivalent of a million bucks to find this spot.
When they have mastered these techniques, students are able to experience multiple orgasms, free of ejaculation. They can still cum the old way whenever they wish, but once they feel the pleasure of having sexual energy all over their body, sex is never the same.
This is ideal for masturbation, but it also achievable through couple’s play. One partner stimulates the other, gradually bringing them up to the right to the high point before an orgasm and then drops the stimulation to bring them back down. They keep the tension by varying the speed and intensity so that they stay on the edge. It has been noted that this works best when couples know each other well, to read each other’s signals and know what feels best.
Working up to this can take time, but there are positions and tools available to help in the short term. The Esse Chaise has unlimited position potential and helps with longevity through the gentle slope in the middle. Relaxing in the middle dip, the man’s hips will pushed forward for penetration but can be rolled backwards to keep from getting too intense. When going deep, try to maintain your position and control by embracing the sensation and tightness. If you get carried away, roll your hips back to have a more shallow approach. This works best with a girl-on-top position for true staying power. Let her control the pace by straddling the Esse Chaise and pushing off with her feet—she doesn’t have to strain to get a lot of movement from a little effort. And you can stay connected and look in each other’s eyes to communicate when you are at the breaking point.