Many of us have a preconceived notion about how we should feel and act as parents. This is especially true for women! The key here is reaffirming your wife’s right to sexual expression and just being with her during the process. What I mean by this is do not pressure her. Discuss how you feel openly, but never force anything she isn’t feeling ready for.
Once you’ve decided that you want to try anal play, you need to figure out how to tell your partner. If they’ve already said that they’re into it, that conversation will probably be pretty easy. But sometimes, those talks work better with a little planning.
It’s totally normal feeling nervous about something new. Geez, we all feel some anxiety when experiencing something for the first time- whether or not it’s sexual. I think it’s wonderful you are asking for advice. Education is one of the best ways in empowering partners to explore anal play.
Going from zero to the penis is a no-no. The anal sphincter may be strong, but it is also very delicate. It’s best when starting small. You can begin by using fingers and then working your way towards something larger such as a butt plug. A small vibrating anal toy, like the b-Vibe Novice Plug, is a great option because it’s almost the size of a finger and is great a transition from fingers to toys.
It’s possible that anal penetration may never be in the cards for you. But that does not mean you can’t both enjoy anal play. Before giving up, however; may I suggest a few things that can help you both progress toward having actual penetrative anal sex. Here’s a road map that may help lead to you both to penetration.
Lubrication is your best friend for anal play because unlike the vagina, the anus is not self-lubricating. The right lubricant can make anal play feel amazing. With so many different varieties of lube to choose from, it can be a bit overwhelming.