Asked by you, answered by Ava

I purchased the Liberator Wedge and a Tantus Feeldoe. When my wife and I are feeling very wild she will slide some fingers in my ass and sometimes even a vibrator. It gets her very excited, and to tell you the truth it feels pretty good for me. My question is how to bring around the topic of her using a Feeldoe on me without her getting the wrong impression. We have been married for 26 years and use a small variety of toys.

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Ava AstridArg, matey. It’s time to talk about pegging. Which always makes me talk like a pirate, for some reason!

Pegging has found new life recently, with an onslaught of new toys and harnesses available, as well as more mentions in porn and popular culture. It is wonderful to see so many couples exploring this new avenue of pleasure. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again—what makes an act gay is doing it with a man. The P-spot is a direct route to some of the most intense orgasms a man can experience. As Dr. Charlie Glickman says, “men who get into anal penetration are among the most secure in their masculinity: because they’ve examined themselves, faced their fears.”

To borrow from Dan Savage, all men should try pegging at least once—not only for the pleasure, but because it allows you to experience sex from the other side. In same-sex coupling, there is usually an active and a passive partner. It is the same in straight couples, with the man usually being the active one. This will allow you to switch the traditional roles to you receiving from your wife. An illuminating experience indeed!

straponWhen you switch roles, you get to experience sex in a way that has been defined as traditionally feminine, and this can not only open both your eyes to what has been accepted as the norm as far as gender roles goes, it can show you how those roles have defined you as a sexual person.

In Dr. Glickman’s article How Pegging Can Help Save the World he states, “For men who have never been on the receiving side of penetration, sex is something that happens outside the body. And when sex is external to your body, it can be easier to do when you have a headache or you’re not quite in the mood. A lot of men discover than when sex is about catching rather than pitching, their mood, their emotions, and their connection to a partner can often have a bigger influence on what they want to do and how it feels.” Likewise, women can discover the responsibility and power that comes with penetrating someone. It’s a lot more to worry about than just coming too soon!

Beyond the emotional and eye-opening benefits, there are a few things to keep in mind when beginning your pegging adventures. Your Tantus Feeldoe is a great toy, but it may be a bit advanced for your first go-round. It requires a lot of work from your wife’s kegel muscles to keep it in place, and if she is unable to keep it in control, it may veer off or slip, causing you pain.

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For those who are less experienced, I would recommend getting a harness. Liberator makes a wonderful line of attractive harnesses, and they can hold most dildos. Depending on how much you can take, a medium size dildo would be best to start. You are going to lose a few inches of length in a harness, so plan accordingly. I really like the Tantus Silk series.

Doggy is going to be the position easier for your wife, although it may be a bit tougher on you. She will not be able to feel her direction as you would, so having easier access and stability are going to be really important for her to feel comfortable. That is why I think adding in a Ramp or a Wedge (or both!) will make you both a lot happier. It allows you both to relax, and it leaves your penis and balls exposed for stimulation—most men require a reach around or to masturbate themselves to achieve orgasm. Remember to use a little water-based lube—not too much!

Once you feel confident, you can move onto the Feeldoe. Tantus recommends your wife wearing it around the house to get used to the feeling of it inside her and the low center of gravity it provides. It is also possible to penetrate with the Feeldoe in your hand, and some men even place the small part in their anus for the potential to double penetrate their partners.

Liberator also sells an informative DVD’s that can help break down some taboos and gives detailed information on anal pleasure for men. Take it slow, and be sure to communicate throughout about what feels good and what feels weird. Take this opportunity to see your sex life through your partner’s eyes and enjoy knowing them on a new level. Remember that any bumps along the way are just something to laugh about later, and keep having fun with your love!

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Got a question for Ava? Email her at askava@liberator.com

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