Outdoor sex is one of those things most of us tend to throw on our bucket lists without any concrete plans to accomplish it (like pretty much everything on a bucket list). But unlike one wild night with your favorite celebrity, this is one item you can check off the list this year—hell, this week!
Summer has faded and so have those pesky mosquito’s. The crisp Autumn weather is prime for stripping down and giving into our animal instincts—and since none of us really want to reach our eightieth birthday to realize we’ve never boinked up against a tree, we’ve compiled a handy guide of Do’s and Don’ts for answering the call of the wild.
DO Have Realistic Goals
You don’t have to do it in a canoe on the Amazon surrounded by a swarm of piranha to catch a thrill. If you’re new to the idea of “beyond the bedroom,” your best bet is to start out small. If you’ve got a backyard, deck, or balcony, perfect! It’s still technically in the comfort of your home, but it gives you a taste of that public exposure that’ll have you coming back for more.
DON’T Assume it’s Like the Movies
Few things are, but this is especially true for sex. Hot tubs and other bodies of water are all-time favorite venues for love scenes, but with all the research out there, you may want to sit this one out. As erotic as water may be, there are a lot of downsides when it comes to sex. Water, especially chlorinated water, tends to wash away a woman’s natural lubrication, which can lead to discomfort and irritation. Chlorine can also affect a condom’s durability, and the bacteria found in pools, lakes, and oceans can lead to bladder or urinary tract infections. Not so sexy after all. That said, there’s nothing stopping you from skinny dipping and copping a few feels—just stay away from penetration.
DO Dress Appropriately
Put simply, this is not the time to try and squeeze into those skinny jeans you’ve been eyeing. For easy access — or to re-clothe in a jiffy should you get caught — skirts or dresses are the way to go for ladies (or men, if that’s your thing), or at the very least, loose-fitting jeans without a cocktail of buttons and zippers. Our advice for underwear? Go commando. The fewer layers you’ve got to wrestle with, the better.
DON’T Be Loud
Whatever spot you decide on, chances are it’s pretty quiet—and if you don’t want to attract attention, you’ve got to keep it that way. You know how a bird’s call can echo through the woods? I promise you’re louder than a bird.
DO Bring Supplies
Okay, we admit, there’s nothing less sexy than insect repellent—except a few voracious ticks feasting on your flesh in the midst of lovemaking. Spontaneity is hot, but for outdoor sex to be enjoyable, you’ve got to pack a few essentials: condoms, lube, bug spray for the woods, and a sheet or towel. Our PVC Play Sheet is both waterproof and easy to wipe down, which may be exactly what you need depending on your venue. For a more comfortable ride, try the Escape Playmat, with enough padding to make the bumpiest of terrain bearable. Remember, bugs aren’t just on the ground or in the air, so if you’re going vertical with a tree, be sure to watch out for those creepy crawlers.
DON’T Get Caught
The idea of getting caught is sexy. Actually getting caught isn’t. Unfortunately, everything fun like outdoor sex is still technically illegal in the US, so make sure your antics aren’t taking place near a main road or, you know, a police station. This is another good reason to wear loose clothing that can easily be readjusted. (Worst case scenario, you can say your clothes were mauled by wolves.)
DO Stay Alert
This may be the hardest part, especially once you’re caught up in the moment, but you’ve got to keep at least a small part of your brain reserved for guard duty. If you’re near any buildings, remember a lot of businesses have security cameras, so scout the area first. Stay away from spots where children might be likely to stumble across you, and watch out for animals. The neighbor’s dog probably won’t judge (the cat, on the other hand…), but backyard pests like skunks and raccoons can be trouble.
DON’T Leave a Mess
This is where you get to be a ninja! When it’s all over, you’ll both probably be high on the thrill or eager to take off before someone catches you, but it’s important to leave the area the way you found it. Bring a bag you can use to dispose of any condoms or supplies, and be sure to wipe up any areas you may have… marked. Trust me—the next person on that park bench will thank you.
As exciting as outdoor antics can be, they’re more than just thrills. Connecting with your partner amidst the raw, magical landscape of the earth can take your intimacy to a whole new level. There are few things more inspiring than being one with nature—in this case, literally!0