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My husband and I went to a sex shop and bought a rabbit vibrator. We both thought it would be fun, and when we used it, my orgasm came in less than two minutes. (It typically takes me 30 to 45 minutes). He seemed annoyed and asked “why don’t you ever come that fast with me?” I said that it was probably something new, but few nights later, we used the toy again, and I came in a few minutes again. But this time he was definitely acting jealous and pissed off.
Now I feel self-conscious about wanting to use my new toy because it really bothers him. Why should a man feel jealous over a vibrator? I love this toy, it makes me feel good. How do I to get him to lighten up?
Ah, men. They can be tough on the outside but really soft on the inside. It’s not so surprising that some insecurities bubble to surface when a battery-operated “boyfriend” is introduced into the mix. I think it’s often taught to them from movies and porn that it should be super easy to please their woman—and if they can’t they aren’t a good lover.
What this doesn’t take into account is the woman. Like the fact that many like or even require the assistance of a vibe to get them there. This doesn’t mean that their partner is a bad lover—and remember, that is his objective, to be a good lover to you. It has a lot more to do with her desires and preferences. Exactly how and when to introduce a sex toy, so a man views it as a teammate rather than a rival, can be somewhat tricky.
The Ice Breaker
Many men fear they will become redundant when their woman whips out a vibrator. I think the best way to make less like sibling rivalry and more like a team effort is to demonstrate how it feels on him. Use the vibrator on his erogenous zones, or while he’s extremely aroused, stimulate the sensitive parts of his penis. With your lover being the center of attention, eventually, he’ll feel more comfortable in sharing your affections.
The perfect scenario in having him feel connected to you while a toy is buzzing away is to purchase one that in no way resembles a penis. For this, I would recommend any vibe that is primarily for external stimulation. Take for instance the LELO Ora 2—it looks more like a piece of art than a pleasuring device and is something that can be used to simulate oral. The Jimmyjane Form 2 is another great option, especially if you are looking for power. Those little rabbit ears will set you off like a rocket, and the shape is so unique it’ll be interesting for both of you. Pro tip: try it in the bath.
Stereotypes notwithstanding, men take great pride in their work. They love to help and truly enjoy the feeling of being needed. I suggest trotting out your vibrator well into lovemaking—not from the get go—and let him do all the work. Not only will he learn more about your pleasure zones and body by exploring where it feels best, he’ll feel like an active participant in helping you achieve an orgasm. A neat option for this is the JimmyJane Hello Touch. It’s a unique fingertip vibe provides the skin-on-skin contact and may make him feel better because he can be more involved by controlling where the vibration hits you.
Most men, to my knowledge, like to watch. The best way to get him more comfortable with your toy is to rev him up with a some show and tell. Lie back and pleasure yourself right in front of him. Tell him, in as much detail, how the vibrator makes you feel, and just before climax, allow him to take over. The trick with this one is to not let him feel left out of the action. Eventually he’ll warm up to the idea that your toy is the assistant—not the master.
Make it a Threesome
If he’s still reluctant to toys, choose one that will benefit his pleasure as well. Any couples toy will send the good vibrations to the both of you. I always recommend the a Lovelife Share as a good place to start, and then maybe upgrade to a We-Vibe for even more buzz. Another fun way to incorporate toys that you can share is a remote controlled vibe. The OhMiBod Club Vibe is really fun because it will vibrate to the sound of his voice. Just slip it into your panties and let him take you over the edge.
There is No Substitute
For a richer experience between couples, vibrators and dildos should be incorporated into the foreplay and lovemaking, not as a substitute. Ultimately, you will have to explain to your husband that you love sex with him, and that nothing can ever replace his manhood. Tell him how much you appreciate the intimate moments, which can never be replicated by any device. No matter how great a toy makes you feel, there is no substituting the authentic skin-to-skin experience with the man you love.0