Asked by you, answered by Ava

Everyone’s love life deserves a second opinion. Ava is here to answer questions about Liberator products, your sex life, or sex in general. Curious about the best sex positions for a bad back? Wondering how to fit your playtime into a busy schedule? Trying to find the perfect toy to surprise your spouse with? Ava is here to help.

Email your question to askava@liberator.com.  And don’t worry—your secret is safe with her. We will not reveal your name or contact information at any point.

So ask away! No question is too small or too far out!

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askava2-980x6681-300x204I suffer from severe back pain because of a bad accident. Unfortunately, the pain makes having sex virtually impossible. Just imagining sex makes my back seems even worse. I love my wife and want so much to enjoy our sex life, but this back pain prevents me from crossing beyond the threshold of kissing. I can see and feel that she is frustrated which makes me feel worthless. What suggestions do you have that can help us start having sex again?

Medical science is fascinating. When it comes to replacing blown hips, knees or a severed appendage—whip, snap, zip. You’re on the road to recovery! But when it comes solving insipid back pain—crickets! Chirp. Chirp. Chirp. Nada, nothin.’ No. Can. Do! For people with back pain, just the thought of getting it on can induce anxiety instead of arousing excitement. Sex is supposed to be fun and pleasurable, but when it’s associated with physical pain, the brakes come on. And when that happens, relationships suffer too.

There are plenty of ways to show her how much you love her besides the act of penetration. If you have never experimented with oral sex, sex toys, different positions, now is the time!  Get creative with your exploration. What you may find is that your sex life suddenly becomes much more colorful and fun.

Open Your Mouth

Communicate with your lady. By talking it through, it can help her understand that you have not lost interest in her, but are afraid of aggravating the pain. Be open and talk about the things that do work for you and what doesn’t, for both of you. It is not just the position that matters during sex. In fact, having and enjoying sex is more than just an act of performance. It’s about creating a connection through intimacy, closeness, sharing, understanding, pleasure and then well—orgasm.

centerstage2Prep Work

For many couples, sex is something that happens when the mood spontaneously strikes. Some believe that any kind of planning makes it less meaningful or enjoyable. But nothing could be further from the truth.

When you are dealing with chronic pain, proper preparation for “the act” may be the only way to enjoy the experience. Nothing kills the mood faster than a sudden pang of pain or the constant fear that the wrong movement will render you helpless on the bed.

Due to your constant back pain, it may be difficult for you to relax and let go. Try to relax the affected muscles by having your partner join you in a warm bath or hot shower, or give you a gently massage as part of the foreplay. I like the Center Stage for erotic massage. It gives you a platform so you don’t have to bend over so far, and the included bolster means easier access and lift.

Pole Position

comboposition6In order to avoid discomfort, part of the prep work for sex is to plan where you want to do it. You might need to try out several positions at first until you find the right one that works for both of you.

Incorporating a Liberator Shape like the Wedge/Ramp Combo can give you some valuable positioning options while preparing for the penetrable act.

lift_ill10Start by laying flat on your back using the Ramp’s incline for lift and support. You’ll be able to take the pressure off of your lower back by maneuvering the Wedge underneath the knees. The incline and support of the Wedge/Ramp Combo will allow your partner to straddle you in comfort. Because she is supported too, she’ll be able to move at any pace.

You can also use the Shapes for a modified (standing) doggy-style position. By stacking 2 to 3 Liberator Lifts under the Wedge/Ramp Combo, you’ll use less range of motion with the back while your partner will be at just the height needed for a more gentle rear entry position.

Where’s the Fire?

There is no need to rush. You can have loads of fun while planning your sexual encounters. It’s the planning process that can be a whole new way to get turned on. Maybe you were never too much into the foreplay. If so, now is your chance to explore the art of lovemaking and get to know your partner in a whole new, sensual way. Because you may not be as vigorous as you once were, choosing sensuality over sexuality puts everything is a whole new light.

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Undress for Success

Thoughtful preparation goes a very long way when dealing with back pain. When you are in the throes of passion, you are not always paying attention because you are more focused on the sensations of pleasure. But when that feeling momentarily subsides, nothing kills the mood better when you’re  struggling to get the clothes off.  So before you’re ready to get it on, it’s important to take it all off.

Alternate Route ‘O’

Sometimes penetration is just too painful to perform. But there are plenty of other ways to give your partner pleasure and show how much you love and care for her. Oral sex, sex toys, and mutual masturbation are all useful methods that can spice things up. However, the most important part of taking an alternate route is to communicate about what you both like. Explore and experiment with new ways of giving and receiving pleasure. You may just find some things that will blow both of your minds.

caresse_ill1For oral sex, you can have your partner sit on your face. The only movement required is the use of your tongue. Using the Liberator Caresse Heart Wedge will give your neck just the right amount of support to keep you going until she’s satisfied. This Shape can also be used to provide you better back support while she performs the oral on you.

When it comes to sex toys, there are a plethora of couples options. The Lelo Insignia Lyla 2 is one sexy toy that lets you direct her pleasure from across the room or anywhere in your home. The Lyla 2 comes with an internal/external vibe that is operated from a wireless remote controller. With plenty of vibrational patterns to choose from, you can make a game out of how long you can prolong her orgasm.

Mutual masturbation is another way to demonstrate your passion and desire. Not only is it extremely erotic, you’ll also reap the benefits of getting off while being in a completely relaxed state. So if you’re looking for a more meaningful connection without the penetration, try masturbating together. It’s like having dinner and a show all right within the comfort of your bed.

Liberator Role PlayingGet into Character

The great part about sex is having the unlimited use of your imagination. If you’re up for it, why not spice things up in the bedroom with some role playing? It does not have to be elaborate. For instance, you can be varsity football star while she cheers her way into bed with you. With the power imagination, anything and everything is possible!

Role playing does not require much movement other than the power of the brain. Actually, it may be the best way to distract from the pain. Through your mind, role playing serves as a diversion from the reality of physical pain. In fact, engaging in the erotic arts can raise the spirits and elevate your mood. Plus, having an orgasm also relaxes the body. And when you’re relaxed, you will feel less pain. 

Suffering from back pain does not mean that you are doomed to live a celibate life. It’s quite the opposite. With a tiny bit of preparation, imagination and creative thinking you’ll be able to boost your libido. Once you begin, you’ll find that experimenting with foreplay, positions, sex toys and role playing and a whole lot more can actually create that magical spark for a better sex life. It’s just a matter of being open with you partner and enjoying the process as it unfolds.

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