There’s no denying it, people like to watch—porn that is! But lately, porn has become the ubiquitous “other lover.” When a relationship goes down in flames, pornography is often portrayed as the wicked, evil temptress luring unsuspecting men and women into a pit of sinful obsession and objectification.

One thing’s for certain, the tsunami of porn pouring through our streaming devices is not going anywhere anytime soon. But does that mean we are slipping back into a neanderthal state, only looking for the biggest tits or the money shot? Is porn, outside of those with genuine addictions, really causing the break down of our relationships?

 

In short, of course not! According to a recent study published in the Journal of Sex and Martial Therapy, it’s not the actual pornography that is harming our interactions, it’s keeping the porn-watching a secret that’s causing the damage. That is why some experts suggest that partners who come clean about watching porn to their significant other have happier and better sexual relationships. Hmmm, go figure—porn can actually be good for your relationship.

So why do some people, women in particular, seem to have a problem with porn? I think it comes from fear—they are afraid that their partner prefers the porn star over them. The threat of not living up to his fantasies makes women feel inadequate, and popular culture doesn’t help much with its portrayal of men as idiots drooling after every piece of tail. Trust is key, and the best way to build that trust is to be open about what you and your partner find sexy in porn. Maybe its an actress, or an act, or even a fantasy scene where the buff stableboy is shoveling hay and the corseted damsel threatens him with punishment if he doesn’t do her bidding (okay, that one may be just mine).

Open the dialog and see what you both like. Watching others have sex does not be anything other than a fun, and sometimes funny, experience. So that everyone ‘comes’ out on top, here are some ways to watch XXX together.

Just Come Out With It!

If trying to figure out whether your partner is ‘sneaking’ porn behind your back, it’s best not to go snooping around. I can bet that you won’t like what you find amongst their secret stash hidden in the crevice of a hallway closet. Instead use your imagination and think of ways you might mention the subject. For example, rent a mainstream movie that is on the verge of being x-rated, and use that as a conversation starter. Personally, I love the movie 9 1/2 Weeks. This timeless cinema masterpiece has a plethora of steamy sex scenes and is a great way to start a conversation about what certain things interest you. Another idea, is to bring up the topic of couples porn while cuddling or sharing fantasies.

What to Watch

When it comes down to it, men and women are wired differently—especially in the arousal department. Men tend to get turned-on by sexual imagery, like big, bouncing tits and voluptuous asses. On the flip-side, women respond better to verbal stimuli, like hearing someone moan from pleasure. Keep these gender differences in mind when picking movies. You can strike the right balance between raunch and romance by selecting a few videos from the Erika Lust collection. Her scintillating X-Confessions are based on other people’s fantasies and may be something right up your alley. For gentlemen who enjoy the visuals of the female form, Andrew Blake offers a bevy of European beauties in compromising situations.

A Moderate Selection

Like our mommas used say, “everything in moderation.” To prevent porno overload, try to have a game plan before setting out on the hunt, especially if you are watching online. There is nothing worse than sitting through endless unsexy scenes looking for just the right thing. Knowing which content does or does not turn-on your partner can avoid making them feel like they are being led down the garden path of perversion. You can even take the evening a step further and set the scene with a special bottle of wine and a Liberator Fascinator Throw. Your partner will associate this gesture as something special—a secret night in for sexual expression and the all-important connection time. Play your cards right, and they will likely make this part of the regularly scheduled program.

a-collection-of-15-of-the-best-porn-parody-posters-you-will-ever-see-ever-349656Pick a Category

If you can think it, more than likely someone has made a porn version of it. Porn has come a long way from VHS. In just the past few years, there has been a wave of new titles and genres which offer a host of extracurricular sex activities in various flavors, from hot wife fantasies, to swinger scenarios, to cuckolding–nothing is off limits. To break the proverbial porn mould, try a movie that will make the both of you feel comfortable or something that encompasses your sexual fantasies. For instance, porn parodies are a great way introduce erotic film into the bedroom. Not only does this genre lighten the mood with something familiar, it also uses comedic relief to break the sexual tension if things start to get too serious.

Play Along

Porn is meant to inspire desires and is a great way to feel sexually charged. There is absolutely no protocol of etiquette when it comes watching porn together—the most important part is making sure that each of you are comfortable. Whatever else you decide to put in the mix is entirely your decision. One way to watch together, especially if the movie has a good plot, is to go from beginning to end while cuddling close together. This allows the sexual tension to build and can make things feel more passionate. Or you can fast-track the pace and mimic the highly-skilled moves from the porn actors themselves. Either way, watching porn together should be about creating a more defined intimate connection.

Create Your Own

The internet is full of porn, but much like cable television, there’s a lot of content but nothing worth watching. If you can’t find something interesting to motivate your sex drive, try creating your own porn. Of course, it does not have a major production with lights and makeup artists (unless you want to). A simple hand-held device zoned in while your partner performs oral is enough to make everyone worthy of some must-see TV.

Just Listen

Remember the days when “scrambled porn” would just show up at the top end of your cable channels. (If you don’t, that means you’re far too young!) Although you could barely see the couples copulating, you could still hear them getting off loud and clear. For couples that don’t really appreciate porn’s visual appeal, you can get a rise just from listening. While researching this topic, I came across audible-only porn. Interesting couples record their sex sessions and then send an anonymous file for others to enjoy. Go ahead, and take a listen here. Who knows, you may be inspired to create your own.

The debate over whether porn is good or evil will always keep people divided. In my opinion, a little visual inspiration never hurts and can actually keep sexual interests fresh. For many couples, sex is the glue that keeps relationships together. So dive right in and let go of your inhibitions. Your sex life will thank you.

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