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I am a virgin and feel really excited about having sex for the first time. But I also feel really anxious about coming too early. I can typically last for up to ten minutes while masturbating but that’s with myself only. What are some things that I can do to prevent from coming too soon and becoming a “premature ejaculator”?
I admit to having penis envy from time to time. There are certain things I find super exciting about penises, like their phenomenal ability to go from zero to hard in seconds. If I had a penis, I would revise my hobbies and join a masturbators anonymous club. But in reality, I think having to be responsible for one would make me feel pretty vulnerable. The getting it up, putting it in, and then keeping the show on the road would simply be too much for my brain to handle. Just the thought of having the finale before the opening credits is enough to make my heart sink.
I think Missy Elliott best sums up the general attitude about coming too soon, when she sings not wanting ‘no one-minute man.’ Of course, no guy wants to blow his wad too early or be labeled the ‘premature ejaculator.’ So, to all the guys out there who have trouble lasting. Take a deep breath and relax. I hear it happens to the best of us.
Here are some strategies to help you get over premature ejaculation and improve your sexual stamina.
Mind Over Batter
According to the medical “professionals,” sometimes it’s just all in your head. Even though you fear of coming quickly during sex, you can still give your partner a great time with some fantastic foreplay. Because your partner may not need or want a long, stretched out session of intercourse to feel satisfied, it helps to stimulate them first.
Also, if you notice yourself getting too worked up and about to pop, turn your thoughts to something abstract and unsexy. Solve a complicated math equation, think about grandma’s false teeth, or mentally organize the neighbor’s patio furniture. But only dwell on the distraction long enough to give yourself a break. If you think about any topic for too long, you could lose your concentration and arousal altogether.
Romancing the Bone
An effective exercise you can use to prolong your sexual pleasure is something called edging. This Jedi mind-trick, initially developed by Masters and Johnson, involves stimulating yourself to the point of almost no return and then stopping to squeeze. Yes, this sounds a bit cruel and unusual, but overtime you will notice being able to last longer and longer. There is no need to purchase any high priced gadgets, all you need is just some private time, a Victoria’s Secret catalog, and a mind like Han Solo. The great thing about this particular exercise is, if you do climax, you get a do-over! There are no failing grade given here.
To train yourself with effective edging, you should follow a simple rhythm while masturbating. Begin by holding your erect or semi-erect penis at the base and start gently stroking upward. Continue until the feelings of excitement begin to feel overwhelming. Right before the edge of climax, play a trick on your penis and reverse the motion to move downward toward the base and squeeze. Also, focusing on your breathing should make you feel more relaxed. Keep edging your penis for a least 20 minutes, before you finally allow yourself to come. The great thing about this exercise is that you can do it solo or with a participating partner.
High for This
Ballooning is one of those age-old exercises that can help you stop from coming too soon. Unlike its edging counterpart, you do not stimulate the entire penis, but instead, only concentrate on the most sensitive region. To balloon your way to a powerful climax, or last longer with your partner, the first thing is to locate the most sensitive area on your penis. For most men, this is typically the area around the glans (the head).
Using your index finger, thumb and a dab of water-based cooling lubricant, circle and gently rub the tip of the penis. The Sensuva On Power Glide for Him will help sustain your enjoyment without making you too excited. Continue rubbing until you feel the urge to come. Although the goal is to remain excited for as long as possible, be completely conscious during the moment of ejaculation. Once you’ve reached the zenith, slow your roll or stop rubbing altogether. Repeating this process will help you learn how to control early ejaculation.
I can’t emphasize the importance of Kegel exercises. It’s like a private workout for your schlong. Originally recommended for women to strengthen pelvic and vaginal muscles, Kegels are now a popular remedy for men who experience premature ejaculation. This exercise can help increase blood flow to the penis and definitely enhance your stamina. It can also help initiate and maintain harder erection and stop premature ejaculation over time.
To do an effective Kegel, you’ll first need to find your PC (pubococcygeus) muscles. If you don’t know where those muscles are located, just try cutting off your flow while urinating. The same muscles that just turned off the tap are the same ones getting flexed during the Kegel exercise. Simply tighten your PC muscles until you feel the area around your anus tightening. Contract the muscles for two to five seconds and then relax and repeat with three sets of ten. I actually do these exercises while in traffic. Light turns red—squeeze, light turns green—release. Performing up to fifteen repetitions every day increases your ability to keep the show on the road.
Depending on your sensitivity level, changing your positions can help stave off the uncontrollable desire to orgasm. Trying a new intercourse position may put less pressure on the most sensitive areas of the penis and makes having sex more exciting. Use passive positions like girl-on-top, or side-by-side positions to alter the angle of penis entry. To support your hips, knees or legs, try using the Liberator Wedge. Adding a Shape to your new position can also create a more intimate bond with your partner. If coming too soon is a major issue, you may want to avoid active positions such as missionary and doggy-style. These positions place most of the stimulation and friction on the glans. So, taking them temporarily off the menu may help with your longevity.
The Love Guru
Just because you experience premature ejaculation does not mean you lack self-control. What it could mean is that you’re more gifted with an ability to feel pleasure. You’re a sensitive man, and there is no shame in that! For sex to be truly explorative, it has to consist of more than just the traditional in-and-out. By incorporating tantric techniques, this can help perfect your timing while possibly creating deeper, intimate connections.
You don’t have to be an expert with Tantra. If you can breathe, you can accomplish this technique. Tantric techniques are meant to make you feel more grounded during intercourse. With focused breathing, it prevents sexual energy rising to high, especially when you’re nearing that point of climax. During intercourse and just prior to the climactic event, pull out and contract the PC muscle to help your brain focus elsewhere. While in the contracted state, lower your chin toward your chest and draw in a deep breath. As you exhale slowly, feel the warmth of the sexual energy move upward into the body. You can repeat this as needed or until the desire to release in no longer urgent.
Wearing a cock ring during sex or masturbation can help to desensitize that peaked-too-soon sensation. Plus, there is an added bonus to wearing one—it can help give you the appearance of a rock hard erection and majorly huge package. For beginners, the Tantus Super Soft C-ring has a super-stretchy design and is really easy to use. I would recommend using it at the base of the penis first and graduate to both penis and balls. If you’re looking for a more intense affect and have a bit of experience, the Tenga Smart Vibe Ring can be used with a partner for that vibrating goodness. Take heed though, cock rings can only be worn for twenty to thirty minutes at a time. Which may be all the time you need to adequately dole out the pleasure to your partner and ejaculate.
Really, if you want to last longer in bed, the first thing on the agenda should be to improve your overall body wellness. Eat a balanced diet rich in proteins, carbs and vitamins will give you that extra twinkle in your eyes. Plus, regular exercise will keep your body healthy and strong. Just doing a little goes a long way.
Cardio exercises like biking, swimming, running or jogging and even sex, can strengthen the lungs and increase their capacity to take in air. When your body and lungs are strong, you’ll be able to control breathing during intercourse and lower the chances of showing off too soon.
Whatever the cause of your ejaculation issue, there is always a solution. So, don’t stay mum and let male pride stand in the way of a satisfying sex life. With some open communication and a few fun techniques in the bedroom, you can overcome the embarrassment of premature ejaculation. That means less worry and way more sex.2