Asked by you, answered by Ava
I’m a fairly masculine, heterosexual male, and my entire life I’ve enjoyed sex. Lately, I’ve discovered p-spot stimulation. It feels good, but there is some guilt/shame in enjoying it. After all, it’s not considered masculine/hetero. Why would I suddenly, in my 50s, discover this erogenous zone? My wife thinks it’s gross, so I’m limited to self-pleasure. I bought some anal toys and the one I enjoy most is the anal vibrator. I enjoy the penetration. If it feels good, do it, right?
This p-spot gets brought up a lot. Now is the perfect excuse for me to shed some light on an unnecessarily taboo subject—anal pleasure for men. Before I begin, however, allow me to clear up the biggest misconception regarding p-spot stimulation. Pleasure from anal stimulation does not make you any less masculine. What make this act gay is enjoying it with another man—it’s as simple as that! Any man willing to participate in a vulnerable position like anal play is a very brave man in my book. So, go boldly and enjoy what your body has to offer you.
Anal play is not for everyone, and we all know some partners are hesitant about making friend with the p-spot. That’s largely due to not understanding how this stimulation works. To make her feel more comfortable, share with her exactly what goes on inside. The p-spot lives under the bladder and is about the size of a walnut. It can be found about a finger’s length along the rectum. When massaged, the millions of nerve endings there create an amazing sensation that can build from an inner warmth to a mind-blowing orgasm.
The best way to get what you want is to make your wants known, so choose the appropriate time and let her know how you feel. Bear in mind, that moment might not be in the throes of passion. Take her out to a romantic dinner and open up to her. If you do it in a place where she will not feel pressured, she will be more receptive to the possibility. When you discuss it, come up with a code word to let her know you are craving anal play. That way you don’t have to go into a big discussion each time you want to ask her for it, and she has the ability to opt out if she is not in the mood without getting away from a moment of passion.
As our friends at Aneros call it, the orgasm actually becomes a “Super-O”. It is different for each person, but the consensus is that it is actually a series of smaller, full-body orgasms that build into a single or series of large full-body orgasms. Some say it is the most intense and beautiful pleasure they have ever experienced.
The most direct route to P-spot heaven is through the rectum, but you can also massage from the outside of the body as well. Rubbing the perineum, the area between the balls and the ass, in an upward motion can not only stimulate the base of the penis but can hit the P-spot as well. If your woman is a little shy about anal, this can be a great way for her to massage you without the worry.
If you two want to try for anal stimulation, you don’t have to start with your hands. My favorite prostate massagers are from Aneros. Being hands-free, you can insert it and not touch it again. Their design puts delicious pressure on the P-spot and offers a slight movement during the normal motions of intercourse. That way your partner does not need to do something she is uncomfortable with to see the pleasure you will get from a prostate massage. If you are looking for something with a little more buzz, I like the Embrace Beaded Probe. It has the same benefits with a little more horsepower.
The most au-natural way is going to be through her using a finger. A little forethought can make this very easy for her, like using an enima beforehand or even offer for her to wear gloves or put a condom over her finger—plus this way you will be able to relax and enjoy yourself without worrying about a mess. Use any water-based lube, like Sensuva Erosense Aqua, and be wary of anal relaxing sprays. They are fine if you are experienced, but they can numb you if you are new to the game, and you may be getting injured by not feeling it.
Positioning plays an important role too. Liberator offers options to help with p-spot accessibility. The Wedge, Hipster, or Whirl can all be placed under your hips and lift you up for increased visibility, which will help her get the angle right, and it keeps your body ergonomically placed for pleasure. Another nice feature of these Shapes is that you can hang your genitals over the side, keeping them accessible. If you lay flat, the angle of access will be trickier, and your junk will be hidden under your body.
Have your partner start with a small amount of lube and stimulate the entrance before slowly inserting her longest finger in your anus—no long nails! If she likes anal play herself, chances are she knows exactly how she likes the preparation phase and it should inform her how to take it slow and work towards it. The P-spot is located towards the balls, not the back, and the movement will be similar to when her G-spot is stimulated. When she has hit the p-spot, she will feel asoft yet firm ring with an indention in the middle, similar to a Life Saver. She doesn’t have to overwork it. Gentle movements will send wild sensations up your spine, like applying light pressure, massaging in a circle or bending her finger to make a ‘come here’ hooked motion. Explore and find what works best for both of you.
Although you should never force her to do something she doesn’t want, it can be exciting for both of you. Take some time to show her that her pleasure is yours, and yours is hers. That will set the tone that not only is receiving good but giving is pretty darn rewarding as well. Sharing new experiences exciting, and it can bring you closer. If she tries it and doesn’t like it, you can laugh it off as a failed experiment.
And if none of this works to open her mind to prostate massage, you can mention that regular P-spot play can help reduce the risk of cancer. Moreover, if ignored, the prostate can build up bacteria in the semen that becomes stagnant there. When the prostate is massaged, stagnant semen is released and your prostate is cleansed. Plus, some men report increased vitality after exploring prostate massage. They have more stamina more often, and who can deny those benefits!
Got a question for Ava? Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org