Nerdy is the new sexy. But before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s take a look at how sex is more than just a physical act. Sexual arousal, all the way to orgasms, are intimately tied to the thoughts, feelings, and emotions generated by the brain. Although it feels like most of the pleasure is coming from between our legs, it’s is actually occurring from between our ears. Basically, the mind is our number one asset when it comes to having great sex, with the body closing in at second.
To illustrate this point—have you ever been turned on just by thinking of someone or imagining what it would feel like to be touched by another person? The body instantly responds to what is happening in our brain. With a constant stream of sexy thoughts running around in our head, it does not take long for our bodies to catch up.
For those who want to put passion back on the menu, it all starts with the noggin. Here some ways to tune into your mind and start the journey toward great sex.
It’s evident men and women are physically different. But did you know we think differently too? An example of this is that many men can go from 0-to-horney before you can finish taking your bra off. Women, on the other hand, get into bed and start thinking about everything that needs to be accomplished for the next day. Studies show that women require 10 to 30 minutes of transition time between activities to engage those sexy feelings. So before hitting the sack, take a sensual time-out with a loving massage, focusing all your attention on every stroke to get her mind and body ready for some action.
Just Do It!
Having sex can sometimes feel like working out. Your body and mind have a sudden urge to rebel. But once you’ve done it, you feel amazing. One great to kick start the arousal process are Kegels. And you don’t even need to leave your bed to do them! The simple act of consciously tensing your PC muscles can help stimulate the erogenous zone between the legs. That’s because while you’re squeezing and releasing, the brain is focused on increasing the blood flow to the genitals. And with more of the juice flowing to the right spot, the more engaged the mind becomes.
F*ck and Make-up
The secret to any great intimate relationship is never to go to bed angry. Or is it the other way around? When anger and sexual desire collide, they can create intense passion. According to relationship expert Celia Claxton, “Make-up sex after an argument can help couples work out relationship issues.” That’s because couples can release negative emotions during sex. The idea around this is to play with power dynamics in the bedroom by switching up who is taking charge. This makes the pleasure-seeking brain chemical dopamine surge while testosterone is fueled by aggression—making for a mind-blowing orgasm. However, don’t have sex if you don’t want it, as it can lead to simmering resentments.
Jedi Mind Tricks
Trigger real desire for your partner simply by using your memory. This particular exercise makes the most of the mind-body connection because you are working with real experiences. To begin, sit across from each other, hold hands and stare into each other’s eyes. Without speaking, remember the last time you both made love and relive how it felt. Focus on every sexy detail and notice how your body reacts by igniting physical sensations. The sexiest part of this exercise will be the arousal written all over your partner’s face.
Curiosity may have killed the cat, but we are not aware of it ever harming anyone’s sex life. One of the primary reasons couples stop having sex is because of boredom. To break this type of sexual dry spell, it’s important to allow curiosity and other forms of inspiration to enter your mind. Porn is a great tool for getting the creative juices flowing again, not only because it offers couples a chance to explore their sexual fantasies, it causes dopamine, the neurotransmitter responsible for reward and pleasure to be released.
Rise & Shine
Morning is the best time for sex. During sleep, our bodies produce all kinds of warm and fuzzy hormones, including testosterone. By daybreak, our brains are swimming in a veritable sexual sauce. But if there’s no chance of setting the clock early for a sex session, use those morning hormones to kick-start your brain in preparation for a night of passion. Just thinking about sex throughout the day can be enough to make you want it that evening. So, instead of the usual peck on the cheek, look your partner in the eyes and whisper, “Bedroom, 10 p.m. sharp!” Not only will your lover’s brain spend the day thinking about the night’s events, you’ll be sending a positive signal to your mind too.
Your brain is your biggest sex organ, so use it and get creative!