When you hear the word “kinky,” most likely the image in your head is probably nothing like the next reader’s. For some, it could be as simple as a silk scarf tied around your wrists; for others, it’s whips and chains in a dark dungeon and some guy dressed in head-to-toe rubber and is referred to as ‘The Gimp. But that’s the beauty of it all! The definition of kink is so broad that most people can find something they would enjoy that is a little south of expected. Whether your into something banned in nearly 30 states, or just enjoy a great foot rub—It’s time to embrace your dark side!

silkbinding2

Kink isn’t something you have to conceal in a dark corner of your soul. All it means is there’s a specific something that turns you on, from hair-pulling to popping balloons (yep, that’s a thing!). It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, and chances are your partner has a kink of their own that they haven’t even shared with you yet.

Exploring kink can be one of the most exciting forms of intimacy, but if you’re new to the idea, you may be wondering where to start. What if your partner doesn’t like it? What if you’re not sure what you like? Most of the time, the doubts in your head are not real and your partner may be more willing to explore than you think. Though kink is really personal, and no two experiences are alike—here are a few basics that can take your sex life from vanilla to wildberry in no time.

Learn What Turns You On

For some of us, kinks are as much a part of sex as the orgasm. But if your sex life falls more on the missionary side, it might seem like a foreign language. There’s no bad time to start branching out, but first you have to figure out what you like, and that’s the fun part.

blramp4If you’re not sure what you might be into, do a little homework. Websites and forums can be a helpful venue for asking questions, sharing thoughts, and learning about others’ experiences. Maybe you remember something from a book, or a scene in a movie that stuck with you, and lo and behold, now you’re curious.

Even if you already know what you like, researching can give you the tips and tricks you need to put it into practice. Some kinks call for safety precautions, like breath play (commonly known by its fancy scientific name, erotic asphyxiation) so it’s extremely important to be aware of any risks that your kink may involve.

Learn What Turns Your Partner On

Kinks is not a one-size-fits-all. There’s always a chance that as much as you fantasize about nibbling on her toes, in reality, the thought totally grosses her out. Don’t worry if all your kinks don’t match up—not everyone is into everything. The goal is to find common ground, and the only way to do that is through communication (and of course, experimentation).

Like you, your partner might not know whether something will be a turn-on until they try it. Sometimes just seeing the way a certain kink makes him react can take you both to a crazy new level in the bedroom. You may discover by happy accident that he likes it when you bite his neck, and after his reaction, suddenly you’re into it too.

But not all kinks happen by accident, which is why it’s so important to…

Ask!

We’re not necessarily suggesting a casual “Hey, have you ever thought about corset piercings?” over dinner—unless your kink is the element of surprise! A good time to broach the topic is when you’re both focused each other without a host of distractions. If kink is something new to you or your relationship, it’s an important conversation to have in the right time and place. If there’s something you really want to try, say so! You might want to stockpile a couple of back-up ideas and compromises in case your first one gets shot down, but chances are, there are at least one or two things you’d both be up for trying.

Woman with corset piercings

Kinks tend to demand varying levels of trust and vulnerability, so it’s vital for you and your partner to feel comfortable and safe with each other. If you want to try something a little beyond the norm, the best time might not be three seconds from a climax. A better time might be the beginning of a session when you’re both starting to heat things up but aren’t so far gone that you can’t form multi-syllabic words.

If you’re embarrassed to ask, don’t worry, you’re not the first. But being open about it lets your partner know how and why it’s important to you. As the old saying goes, if you never ask, the only answer is no. Just remember, getting a “yes” doesn’t mean you stop asking. It’s important to read your partner the whole time, checking in from time to time to make sure you’re both still on board.

Where to Start

Baby steps are a good rule of thumb when deciding on kink exploration (quite literally if age play is your thing). If you want to try out some restraints, start with a simple scarf or tie that you can wiggle out of if you’re uncomfortable, like our luxurious Silk Sashes. Or if gender play is your thing, start with a discreet and comfortable harness. If you have a fantasy, the right outfit can go a long way.

Woman dressed in man's suit

The best thing about kinks is that they’re relatively endless: there’s always a new angle you can try, a different approach, a higher level. Starting small will give you both the confidence to take it further. A glass of wine doesn’t hurt, either.

Trial and error is the name of the game. You could go for something you thought would be crazy hot, and suddenly you’re both laughing hysterically. Luckily, the opposite is just as true. There’s nothing sexier than uncovering a mutual kink neither of you knew existed, or that you weren’t sure you’d like. Be safe, be open, and be honest. The fun will follow.

0
No Comments