Fake orgasms. They are the little white lies that over 80% of women have told in the bedroom to their partners. An extra moan, a reassurance of how great it was, and no one is wiser as to what actually happened in her nether regions as you both move along about your day.
But why do women actually fake orgasms? After all, if you’re having sex to ‘reach the finish line,’ why pretend that you’ve won the race when you’ve really sat down during the second lap? While there are plenty of opinions that float around, a recent study has found that there are four probable reasons that your female partner pretended that you rocked her world. First is “altruistic deceit,” or faking out of concern for a partner’s feelings or ego. It’s the exact scenario acted out quite enthusiastically by Meg Ryan in that infamous scene from When Harry Met Sally. The second is fear and insecurity, faking it to avoid negative emotions associated with the sexual experience. The third is often the most commonly attributed reason, which was “sexual adjournment.” In other words, she’s decided her orgasm wasn’t going to happen, she had laundry to fold, and she was essentially “giving permission” for her partner to finish.
But the fourth and final reason was one that is far less ego or partnership damaging—women were pretending to be close to culmination in an attempt to increase their own arousal. These ladies are tricking their own bodies into real orgasms.
On the surface, this is actually a very smart idea. Sex is not just a physical act for women and requires a large amount of mental focus, with studies showing that negative thoughts during sex can distract or even prevent women from having an orgasm. While a focused and sexual state of mind that can be achieved through foreplay or setting the scene, it still can be difficult to fully focus if she is under a large amount of stress or anxiety. The full focus on faking enjoyment of the act at hand can fool her body into following suit, and it can lead to a positive outcome. Plus, the extra enthusiasm she’s faking could excite her partner, which could in turn arouse her further and push her closer to the edge.
As great as that outcome could be, faking orgasms on a regular basis is not advisable, particularly for those in a committed partnership. Acting out orgasms not only robs a woman of some amazing pleasure, but also incorrectly teaches her partner as to what does and doesn’t work for her. If she fakes it particularly well while in reverse cowgirl even though she hates that position, her partner might try to coax her back into that pose later since he will remember how “mind blowing” it was.
The only true fix for a lack of culmination is communication. Talking to your partner about what does and doesn’t work might seem like more of a struggle than a few quick gasps and moans, but in the long run, your sex life will be bolstered once both partners know what works and what doesn’t. Plus, sharing her most intimate wants and desires helps cultivate the very intimacy she needs to push from faking it to making it.5