Asked by you, answered by Ava

Everyone’s love life deserves a second opinion. Ava is here to answer questions about Liberator products, your sex life, or sex in general. Curious about the best sex positions for a bad back? Wondering how to fit your playtime into a busy schedule? Trying to find the perfect toy to surprise your spouse with? Ava is here to help.

Email your question to askava@liberator.com.  And don’t worry—your secret is safe with her. We will not reveal your name or contact information at any point.

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Ask AvaHello Ava,

I read the article you wrote about back pain called Sex Active: Good Sex with a Bad Back, but I have a question regarding a perspective that was not addressed by the original requestor, please.

I hurt my back when I was about 17, particularly right where the pelvic bone connects with the spine. It healed up and the pain stopped, and for the most part, I actually forget that I ever injured it. However, I recently hurt it again (now 32), and even the most minor things have made the pain flare up over the last 1-2 weeks. One of them was having sex with my boyfriend. We were trying to achieve a doggy position, and due to his smaller penis size and larger height, I had to arch extremely hard just to make everything work – not to mention balance on tip-toe while being bent over the whole time. It hurt bad, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him that because I wanted him to be satisfied and get it over with. I have been in pain again for about three days now since.

The height and size issues have been an awkward problem in our relationship for some time, and this injury is just compounding it. Even with doggy-style in a normal location like his bed, he has to stand on tip-toe on the floor while I am on the bed just to make it work. We have to put our bodies into weird positions or arch weirdly just to make standard positions work, and now I feel like I have to have the flexibility and body of an Olympic gymnast just to make intercourse work – let alone be close to an orgasm. I have multiple Liberator pieces (Esse, Flip Ramp, BonBon, and Lip Wedge) and have tried to use them with my boyfriend, but they don’t fit him right with the length of his torso and legs, and have become giant room ornaments. There are so many other issues with hygiene, nail length and weird shape that physically hurts me, technique problems, etc… I am at a loss for words. Those other problems I could try to deal with, but now… I feel like sex with my boyfriend is physically hurting me. I love him, but I feel like I will be trapping myself in an unsatisfying relationship that is physically hurting me for the rest of my life if I stay in this relationship, and it’s not his fault. He can’t help that he is 6′ 5″ and so awkwardly built.

Please… any advice would help.

This reminds me of an oh-so-challenging equation we used to bestow on each other in grade school.

The angle of the dangle is proportional to the bootie of the cutie and the heat of the meat.

Granted, poets we were not, but there is definitely a question of physics blocking your lovemaking enjoyment. Luckily with a bit of effort, unlike me in calculus class, this is a problem we can solve.

A New Approach

First, I think it’s important that your ‘tall drink of water’ understand you cannot strain your back by reaching up to him. He would in no way enjoy knowing you are in pain. Don’t hide what you need from him. You are right, he can’t help his build, but he can help in how he approaches your pleasure. However, he can’t fix the problem if he does not know what it is. Other than trying a specific position, my best advice is telling him how you feel but in a kind, gentle way. Let him know you want to enjoy his body while sharing yours. But you have to meet halfway—literally.

Experiment

It sounds like doggy maximizes his impact but still have not found the perfect approach, even with all your Shapes. Unfortunately, anything with him standing is not going to work unless you are lifted up to align with his dick. Unless your man can do squats like Bruce Lee, he won’t be able to come down to your level. It’s going to be impossible for him to lower himself for long periods. It will take experimentation to find the alignment that works for both of you.

New Tools

An inexpensive tool that may help is the Doggy Rider. He can take the strain off your body by pulling your pelvis upwards towards his. Plus it’s pretty hot to be manipulated like that. A sex swing takes things to next level by lifting you off the ground entirely. Depending on your needs, this could free you from holding any part of yourself up. Plus, just imagine getting fucked flying through the air, which is pretty awesome.

Alternative Positions

You have an Esse, but with his height, it might be necessary to add a Flip Stage, which adds another 4-8 inches of height. You can perch yourself on the large hump of the Esse. Hopefully, this will help him gain better access to you. However, when raising yourself up, it should not feel like a strain. Even if you didn’t have back problems this wouldn’t be sustainable for long periods and will just take you out of the moment.

Spooning

Spooning positions—or as I like to call them, Lazy Sunday positions—work really well for couples with differing heights. Like a sideways doggy, you can comfortably adjust the angle without straining backward. Just pulling your knees forward or pushing your torso down can create more tension without stretching too far. Hopefully, you can find a place within this position that will hit your G-spot. Since it is only 2-3 inches inside your vagina, he doesn’t need to be packing in order to make this work.

A variation on this is where your bodies form an X. You can both lie on your sides angling towards one another, which puts very little strain on the back. This is one of my favorite positions especially while using a toy. You will have so much freedom of movement with your arms too.

Lotus

Outside of doggy, there are still options, keeping both of you comfortable. If the movement is not too much on your back, then sitting positions are your friend. Sit in a lotus position, facing him, and rock your hips back and forth. Although this position may be missing some of the deeper penetration of doggy, there are still ways to amp up the sexy. You can watch your boyfriends pleasure etched out on his face, and he’ll watch your desires in your eyes. Not only is it sexy as all get out, it will keep you communicating without having to say a word. He can watch for when you need something more or less. And it’s easy to add that more or less with his hands on your clit or mouth on your nipples.

Other Ways to Play

Don’t downplay the fun of mutual masturbation. It’s more popular than you think. Mutual masturbation lets both members of the party stay sexually connected. Plus, it’s very satisfying. In fact, sharing any sexual act can still get the job done. If his penis isn’t working for you all the time then have him use a dildo on you. If your back is aching, let him give you a massage and then moving a little further south. Or, simply straddle his face while he lies on the Esse. It doesn’t have to be P-in-V to be sex. Ask him about some of his fantasies. I bet he can deliver some exciting scenarios that will bring you closer without having to force the issue.

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