Asked by you, answered by Ava

Everyone’s love life deserves a second opinion. Ava is here to answer questions about Liberator products, your sex life, or sex in general. Curious about the best sex positions for a bad back? Wondering how to fit your playtime into a busy schedule? Trying to find the perfect toy to surprise your spouse with? Ava is here to help.

Email your question to askava@liberator.com.  And don’t worry—your secret is safe with her. We will not reveal your name or contact information at any point.

So ask away! No question is too small or too far out!

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askavaI have been married for 35 years and have problems that most people my age range face along with have not had a non-chemical induced erection in years. My wife (which I adore) has gained weight and has an arthritic right hip. Because of that, it has all but ceased our intimate time together—Time that I looked forward to and still do. The amount of pain she has, when we do have sex, makes the act not worth her getting excited over. I’m not ready to throw in the towel yet, I do not want to have an affair.  I just want to have sex with my chubby wife with a blown hip. Any suggestions?

I once saw a quote that says, “Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.” Of course, every time I see it, my filthy mind kicks in, but now it seems to make more sense. Your sentiment resembles a lot of long-term married couples—the desire to share intimacy but constantly being cock-blocked by the third companion in your relationship called pain. It can take some work to move past the hindrances of physical discomfort or mental stress, but it will be worth it.

Making your partner feel pleasure shows how much you care and fortifies the feeling of connectedness. When you really love someone, all of the extra weight, flaws, and changes are overlooked because of the desire to share intimacy, and it is obvious you love your wife.

However, issues such as stress, pain, stiffness, fatigue and even weight gain are libido killers and can be hard to overcome. The combination of limited range of motion mixed with body stress can make the idea of getting-it-on a source of anxiety. But it doesn’t have to be that way! You and your partner can have a satisfying sex life—despite the aches and pains.

Breaking the Ice

You can continue to express affection while seeking new ways to please your partner (and yourself) by opening the line of communication. Some couples can easily joke about sex while others can feel apprehensive. If either partner is uncomfortable with talking about sexual needs, then write them on post-it notes and leave them somewhere unexpected. Making erotic suggestions such as, “I’m thinking of the way you taste,” or “I can’t wait to see you naked,” can not only start a sexy mood, but also shows your wife how much you want to be with her. Once you get used to the idea, don’t be too surprised at how creative and dirty the suggestions can get.

Trading Places

Sexual heat in a marriage changes dramatically over time—sometimes it roars when you least expect and sometimes you have to light your own fire. When your partner is not feeling the heat, you can offer up some services. In fact, the whole process of making an offer can quickly become its own thrill. But know what you’re getting into; presenting a pair of diamond earrings in exchange for some “naked breast puppet theater” is not a good deal—it’s a bribe. A better way to get what you want, without manipulation, could be as simple as doing some household chores. This not only gives her the opportunity to relax but she’ll see how much you care. When your partner is not overwhelmed by the “must-do” list, she will feel more inclined to engage in sex. By trading some household maintenance for a blow job, you’re getting what you want, and she’s not exerting too much energy.

Massage Her Lust

Women can be caressed to arousal. Your warm, caring and reassuring touch will convey fully the love you desire to give. Inject some much need passion into your relationship, not to mention something that will help with her bad hip, by adding erotic massage. To start with, you can create a romantic ambiance with soft music, scented candles, and the Liberator Center Stage. The soft platform can be used anywhere and is sturdy enough to support her weight while its bolster adds lift for your head, knees, or hips.

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Have no fear, though—you don’t have to be a professional masseur to make it an erotic experience. It is more useful to just trust in your hands and follow your intuition about what feels best. This type of interaction generates positive feedback and enables you both to explore further. Your partner can signal the areas that feel good and which areas are a no-go zone. Using long, languid strokes, you can work out the knots and help relax the muscles. Fondling and stroking the genitals, breasts and all areas of sensitivity can really get her excited and bring her close to orgasm.

Plan-o-rama

Pay no mind to the myth that great sex has to be spontaneous and unplanned. Making a plan can actually assist in making some really hot and memorable moments. The anticipation of having a hot makeout session (followed by an orgasm) on a Sunday afternoon can really get the juices flowing. Using your imagination can also generate a variety of scenarios.

To get back into the groove again, plan to engage in some erotic adventures at a time of day when your partner is at their best. There are many satisfying ways to make love and to have her body respond to sexual stimulation. To have her more accepting of your sexual advances —make seduction a part of your plan. For instance, you can surprise her by running a luxurious bubble bath. While she is soaking, use a waterproof vibrator like the Tenga Iroha Mikazuki to relieve her tension. The pleasant sensations of receiving affection is sure to inspire her in planning the next adventure.

Be the Position Master

Nothing can feel more frustrating than having “orgasm interruptus” because of arthritic hips or excessive weight. The go-to positions that once worked in providing you both so much pleasure can now feel awkward. Since people differ in height, weight and strength, exploring new and exciting positions can feel like a tangled game of (not so erotic) twister. (Where do I put my leg? Does my knee go there? Oops that didn’t work!) However, finding freedom in your positioning and creating an enhanced sexual version of yourselves can all be achieved by incorporating the Liberator Ramp—also available in Plus Size for lovers over 300 lbs.

The goal in using any Liberator Shape is so that you both can work together for mutual pleasure and comfort. Because of its large supportive design, the Ramp offers a lot position possibilities for both oral sex and intercourse. To provide oral pleasure, she can lie back on the incline and gently lift her knees to toward her chest. Without spreading her legs apart, she can comfortably expose herself to your giving mouth.

If intercourse is part of the plan, simply flip the ramp and have her roll over so that the incline can lift her hips and bum. This position is a more modified doggy-style position and allows you to enter from behind with her having to spread the hips apart.  rampillustration4_2

If you want to add more variety and closeness to your lovemaking, try engaging in a side position with the Liberator Whirl. Placing the Whirl between your partner’s knees can ease hip tension and create deeper penetration. While slowly moving in and out, heighten her level of arousal by gently massaging her nipples while whispering some dirty talk. The aural and physical stimulation can make her feel more relaxed for achieving an orgasm.

Love de’ Triomphe

Reigniting the passion you both share is about working together. After many years of being married, you get to discover new and exciting things that weren’t there before. The things that she once enjoyed, can be replaced with something refreshing and vice-a-versa. But to be successful, I recommend starting at a pace that is comfortably erotic. Just the act of a slow kiss or warm embrace can quickly rev up the sexual engines. By using your imagination, you can get and keep her excited. With a loving man like you at the helm, the pleasurable possibilities are simply endless.

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