Asked by you, answered by Ava

Everyone’s love life deserves a second opinion. Ava is here to answer questions about Liberator products, your sex life, or sex in general. Curious about the best sex positions for a bad back? Wondering how to fit your playtime into a busy schedule? Trying to find the perfect toy to surprise your spouse with? Ava is here to help.

Email your question to askava@liberator.com.  And don’t worry—your secret is safe with her. We will not reveal your name or contact information at any point.

So ask away! No question is too small or too far out!

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Ask AvaI just turned 33 and have 4 young kids and a husband. With my busy life and hectic schedule, I feel like  my sex life resembles that of a 95-year-old widow. My husband and I have been married for 6 years and every year it seem like we have less and less sexual drive. At this point, I think we’re having sex maybe twice a year. I am willing to try anything to boost our sex life, but I am at a loss. Can you please help?

Remember when you couldn’t wait to jump his bones? Making out like fools any chance you got, and stripping down in the kitchen because you couldn’t make it to the bedroom.

The number one reason long-term couple stop having sex is usually because of a shift in sexual anticipation. After a period of time of being together, the focus on expressing your passion is replaced with everything else in life—family, friends, catching up on Breaking Bad. That all-consuming passion that was once at the forefront of the relationship seems to just fade into ‘I’ve had a long day. Rain check?’

It’s not like the passion is not there. If anything, love grows to the point where that physical expression is not as important as it once was. And if you express it twice a day or twice a year, it does not indicate anything about your happiness level. It sounds like you have a full life together, but you want to make sure you do not loose that connection. It is important to shift from Mommy-and-Daddy mode to Slut-for-Each-Other mode every now and again. Not only because it will help feel connected in every other aspect of your life together, but because it reminds you that you are more than Mommy. You are also a sexual woman. Tell anyone that says you can’t be both to shut it.

Reviving your sex life can be a hell of a lot of fun. Yes, you can have your cock (I mean cake) and eat it too. By following a few of these steam-it-up-solutions you’ll be able to get back in the saddle again.

Be Unpredictable

To make your sex life less predictable, tap into the fact that you’re not amorous only during a scheduled time slot. The mood can strike at the most unexpected moments (like at a family dinner or while sitting in traffic). It’s those unexpected and unplanned moments that can make a difference in creating stronger sexual anticipation for your mate. So when the moment strikes, just go for it. For instance, if the sight of him raking leaves get’s you hot and bothered, drag him indoors and and let him know you’ve got a different chore for him.

When you give in to your lusty urges at different times of the day, the act itself will be hotter. A lot of busy couples have morning sex rather than the tried-and-true nighttime sex. Those early hours before the kids have taken over your bedroom and you rushing to get everyone ready for the day are the best time to take a moment for the two of you. Even better, wake him up with a blow job. I guarantee he will think he has died and gone to heaven.

PDA Goes a Long Way

A little intimacy gets a lot of mileage in helping couples segue into the bedroom. It’s a great way to be intimate without having to get dressed again, and if you do it right can be just as meaningful. Look for ways to express affection several times a day. You can begin your morning by joining him in the shower, send him a lunch-time love text, or give him a passionate smooch when he gets home at night. When you entice him with a little attention throughout the day, you’ll both be more in the mood for affection when the time arises.

This doesn’t even have to be physical. Sex starts in the brain so a conversation that intwines the two of you can bring the team back together. When you look at him and see your partner in life, the partner in love part follows easily.

tango1_1Start Your Own Engines

It typically takes at least 10 to 15 minutes of warm-up time before a woman becomes sexually aroused. Ironically that is usually the same length of time as the average sexual encounter. Suddenly, the sex is over just before you had the chance enjoy yourself. So, to get the most out of your time together, try little preliminary self-warm up with the help of the We-Vibe Tango. This discreet vibe can assist you in getting “almost there” leaving more time for the bump and grind.

Plan-O-Gram

Too many couples walk into the bedroom without a plan and wind up having the same humdrum sex. Variety is the sexy spice of life and will do a lot to enhance your sexual desire. In order to bring the zing back into your sex life, it’s essential to inject some fun into the bedroom. Your plans don’t have to be elaborate but could include looking at a Position Guide for inspiration or adding playful accouterments like the Love Arts Pillow. It’s the fun of experiencing something new that, even aside from the pleasure you feel, will bring the two of you together. The talking about it before and after is half of the fun.

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Talk Dirty To Me

You dig yourself a little deeper into a rut every time you want to have sex but don’t. Being aware of how you communicate your desires can make the act of initiating sex feel less intimidating. Both of you can use some naughty chat into your daily conversation, perhaps about a future or past sexual encounter or what really turns you on. To help your partner, let him know exactly what you would like to do by creating a ‘sex wish list.’ Simply exchanging a list will get you both all juiced up for future encounters. 

Reigniting sexual desire doesn’t have to be complicated, although it might take a little time. See for yourself how positively anticipating sex can completely turn your sexual desire and sex life around. As sex is a team sport, it’s up to both of you to make a concerted effort to bring the fun back into your marriage.

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