b-VibeWe are celebrating Anal April with Q&A from renowned sexpert and b-Vibe founder, Alicia Sinclair. Take a look at everything you need to know about having pleasurable anal sex.

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My wife and I enjoyed anal in the early days of our relationship. It started to hurt and we became very mechanical in our approach to anal. We did enemas and different lubes but the process took the emotion out of anal. I want to have anal again but she is not enthusiastic at the suggestion and puts it off every time I ask, which is about once every 2 months. I don’t want to give up and I will not let this ruin my relationship but I do feel like something has been lost. I can’t say I am satisfied anymore but will not cheat or ever leave my wife over this one thing. I love her. Do you have any suggestions on how I can re-kindle this side of our sex life?

One more thing, my wife had never had anal before me. That made it feel like it was something special, just for us. It saddens me that it is gone.

Thank you for listening. 

Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you really love your wife and want to continue exploring together. It’s obvious how the whole experience makes you feel strongly connected. 

Sharing is Caring

I wonder though if you have ever shared those special thoughts with her? She would probably appreciate hearing how anal play impacts you emotionally. Of course, telling her in a non-pressured setting that isn’t leading to anal sex can make her more receptive. I suggest exploring educational material together as a way of learning together.

No Performance Pressure

Anal sex is a very popular mainstream topic these days. Now more than ever, women are feeling pressured into having anal sex. Oftentimes, the first experience was not pleasurable, to say the least. The best time for bringing up any sexual topics, especially anal, is when you are NOT having sex. If your partner isn’t into anal play, for any reason, talking it over becomes easier when there isn’t a lot of erotic energy. Reassure them that there is no pressure if their answer isn’t an immediate yes. You can always revisit the idea at a later time.

Avoid a Train Wreck

While many people love anal sex and enjoy having it as a part of their sexual repertoire, not everyone does. The most important thing is to never surprise someone with anal play! If you just go for it without talking first, there’s a possibility that the entire experience will be a train wreck.

Go with the Flow

The best thing you can do in building trust is respecting your partner’s sexual choices and decisions. Just because she is saying no, does not mean the conversation is over. The fact you are both discussing anal sex can help open new channels of communication. You both may discover the reason why she is not interested in having anal sex. It just takes asking the right questions and listening.

It may take some time and a little extra effort—but sifting through the emotions and talking about your feelings—you both may wind up re-kindling a passionate love affair. 

XO,

Alicia

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