We are celebrating Anal April with Q&A from renowned sexpert and b-Vibe creator, Alicia Sinclair. Take a look at everything you need to know about having pleasurable anal sex.
I have never had anal sex before but my husband would like to try it. How do I start and what do I need to do so it doesn’t hurt?
It’s exciting that you both are ready to begin a new sexual experience together. Sadly, many people associate anal play with pain. This can be due to previous bad experiences or a lack of understanding on how to make anal play enjoyable. I commend you for reaching out and empowering yourself with information before you start. That’s a great first step!
Having pleasurable anal play is 90% preparation, which also includes mental preparation. That’s even truer if you’ve had uncomfortable or painful experiences in the past. Because your body is expecting the same thing again, it can make the anus tighten up. This is why being mentally and physical prepared will help.
One of the common misconceptions of anal sex is that it will hurt, weaken, or damage the anal muscles. Now, there is a small grain of truth in that story. You should not be forcing your body (or your partner’s body) into doing something that doesn’t feel good. It is possible to hurt yourself and cause permanent injury if you aren’t paying attention to what you’re doing and forcing the issue.
There are a few different reasons as to why anal sex may not feel pleasurable either. The most common one is not using enough lubricant. This can result in stingy or too much friction sensation. You can make anal sex feel really good just by adding more lubrication. Try using a silicone lube for anal play. The ingredients don’t absorb as fast and can make the area really smooth for entry.
Another unpleasant sensation can be when the anal muscles aren’t relaxed enough. The feeling is more like a deep, muscular pain rather than a stinging, surface level sensation. It is sometimes difficult to tell them apart especially if you’re new to anal play. If adding more lubricant doesn’t do the trick in eliminating discomfort, it could be because the muscles are clenching up from not being completely warmed up yet. I recommend using a vibrating toy to help relax the anal muscles.
I suggest a three-prong approach in preparing yourself for anal sex. First, make sure you have plenty of lubrication on hand. Second, spend ample time warming-up the anal muscles with some relaxation techniques and breathing exercises or even a vibrating toy. Third, address any anal discomfort right away. Don’t be afraid of speaking up when anal play becomes even slightly uncomfortable. A minor position change can help a great deal in keeping your bum relaxed.
Preparation and attention are all it takes in making your first time with anal sex memorable and pleasurable. I’m confident you and your husband will have an amazing time over and over again.