These days I’m getting a lot of questions about anal sex. This taboo topic is starting to come out of the dark, and more and more couples are wanting to try it. Both men and women are curious, and often their curiosity kills the pleasure that could be attained. Why? Curiosity often leads people to start exploring without any education. They want to try anal penetration and they go for it, without regard to understanding how these pleasure packed sphincters work, and how they like to be pleased most.

There isn’t much research surrounding anal sex and the role that the anus plays in sexual pleasure. I suspect that there is erectile tissue in and around the anal sphincter. I’m relying here on my own, other somatic sex experts, and my students’ felt experience. If you look at the anus in an aroused state it is usually puffed up; that tells me that more blood is entering the area upon arousal.

And did you know that the anus has the second most concentration of nerve endings, second only to the clitoris in the female body? That’s a lot of pleasure packed nerves to stimulate. It’s worth taking time to warm-up the area before diving in, and I assure you that it will be a more pleasurable experience for all parties involved. If you have already had a negative experience then it is even more important that you really spend time discovering the pleasure to be mined in this region.

Here are some guidelines:

1. Lube is your friend.

The anus does produce a small amount of mucus that can help with lubrication, but it really isn’t enough if you are planning on penetration. Personal lubricants just make it feel better. I recommend trying coconut oil, Aloe Cadabra, or Intimate Organics Relaxing Spray.

2. Use anal massage to warm up the tissues.

The anal tissue is much like a balloon. If you poke your finger into a balloon it will pop. But if you sink your finger in slowly it will give way, and you can touch all the way to the other side of the balloon in most cases. By learning anal massage, you can learn how to entice the anal sphincters (yes, there are two) to open up, relax, and receive even more pleasure. Not to mention that anal massage is deeply relaxing.

3. Butt plugs and anal sex toys are a great prelude to some hot action later.

If you are planning on an anal sex session with penetration later in the day it is nice to prepare your rosebud. Start in the morning with a little self anal massage and when ready insert a well-lubed finger into your anus. Take some deep breaths and feel your finger inside. Insert a small butt plug into your anus. Take some deep breath and notice the feeling. Throughout the day place a larger butt plug inside. It’s fun if you go out to dinner with your partner to wear a decorative butt plug. I haveone made of glass that has a beautiful rose petal inside of it. It’s like jewelry for your anus! After having a butt plug inside for awhile your tissues will be stretched and relaxed. It’s like stretching before you exercise; it helps warm your muscles up and prevents injuries.

There’s so much to say about anal play, but most importantly make sure that you educate yourself about good anal sex. Know that anal sex isn’t just about penetration; you can completely stay outside and still have exquisite pleasure. As always play and explore while being open to taking your time and making discoveries along the way.

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