It was a late night, and I had fallen asleep shortly after getting out of a hot shower. I was too lazy to put on a nightgown and decided to cuddle beneath my down comforter. The cooling fabric brushed up against my still moist, naked skin. Within minutes my body and mind wondered off into the land of nod. In between the folds of a dark slumber, I heard the bedroom door creaking. Thinking it was my cat, I rolled over with my eyes still closed. Then I heard the wooden floors groan under strain—something heavy was outside the door.
My eyes popped open to see someone had opened the door. He was standing with the ambient light behind him, highlighting his large frame as it filled the doorway. The intruder’s chest heaved with every exhale, and I could feel his eyes boring into me from the shadows of his face. I closed my eyes again thinking this was all a dream. There was a rush going through my ears, and all I could hear was the beating of my heart.
The shadow figure moving closer, his musky scent filling my nostrils. As he eased into the room, I opened my eyes and noticed something glinting. It looked like a small knife. My adrenaline raced through my veins and I lay there frozen, waiting for his final approach. He moved swiftly as if he already knew the floorplan and began hovering over my bed. His breath smelled like peppermint toothpaste as he leaned down to whisper my name.
I felt something cold resting against my neck. With each thump of my heart, the impersonal touch of metal vibrated against my artery. An unfamiliar gloved hand slowly reached beneath the covers and caressed by breasts. “Don’t move,” I heard the intruder say. But there was something odd in the way he said it. There was an uneasy tone in his voice. Sounded to me like he did not possess confidence. It soon became apparent he was holding back giggles underneath his mask.
I moved quickly and flicked on the light. Standing just over the bed was my husband holding a butter knife and wearing a ski mask and his creepy blue robe. It was evident that he was not comfortable playing out the scenario we crafted over and over again. And seeing him holding the knife like he was about to smear peanut butter on a muffin, we both started laughing hysterically.
Fantasy versus Real Life
Note to self—when planning an abduction fantasy make certain you can commit to the fantasy before you begin! Although I’ve had this fantasy for most of my adult life, it turned out to be something unexpectantly different. We both broke character because we were not ready for the triggering of emotions that flooded through us. I was not prepared for the mental and emotional aspects of this type of play, and bursting out in laughter was my defense mechanism. What I realized is that most fantasies don’t always translate well to the real world.
Abduction play is not for everyone. For most people, the thought of being abducted is actually terrifying. But then there are those, like me, who fantasize about being kidnapped. I don’t know where these fantasies come from. All I know is it happens to be part of my wiring. For me, it has less to do with physical violence and more to do with not having any control. Being forced to go against my will is a huge sexual turn-on, and it exceeds the exchange of power.
The foundation of any safe and pleasurable SM play is consent. However, playing out kidnap fantasies goes beyond your normal level. This is because this type of fantasies renders the “victim” helpless. You are essentially stripping your will and giving your partner the power over your pleasure. If you are curious about exploring this type of fantasy, I suggest paying close attention to how your feel both mentally and physically while playing out other fantasies. Start off slow with a few sessions where you give up power to your partner, like by letting him or her tie you up. Do you feel shame or is it guilt-free arousal? By gauging your responses, you will feel more prepared when unpredictable emotions are triggered.
Give Yourself Permission
Some fantasies are just that—fantasies. You should never feel compelled to act them out if you aren’t comfortable doing so. But sometimes, it can be a healing experience playing out extreme sexual scenarios in a safe, consensual and connected way. For me, it’s a way of giving myself permission to let go of the self-judgement. While I admit to feeling vulnerable when exposing my hidden parts, there are benefits too—such as accepting myself, quirks and all. I also discovered that learning and growing meant experiencing pleasure and deepening intimacy with my partner.
Taking the First Step
There are plenty of ways to simulate edgy stuff, but abduction play is a tough fantasy to act out convincingly. What I realized is the fantasy is mostly mine. My husband is there to make it happen for me. Because this play involves a high level of simulated torture, we felt it necessary to plan it out exactly. Before beginning any kidnap scenario, take steps to ensure not only physical safety but emotional and mental safety too. There are a variety of things to consider, but most importantly it all starts with communicating everything with your partner. He and I never make false assumptions by working out every detail beforehand. You, therefore, will need to have a good line for emotional and communicative connectivity with your partner.
Scope of Play
Before pulling out the butter knife, ski mask, and rope you will need address boundaries. Decide what is off limits and what is not. I learned a valuable lesson while acting out my fantasy—even my kidnapper has limits too. An important aspect of making this fantasy a reality is knowing how and when the session is started and ended. Generally, anyone sneaking into my bedroom at night would face severe consequences. So it’s important to establish a time and place for your playtime. By framing the play, we go into the fantasy feeling safe which gives us the ability to delve deeper into the experience.
Abduction play can go in a lot of different directions. It all depends on how physical one want’s to get. To discover what we don’t like sometimes, we have to experience it first. But it’s a good idea to set clear DO NOT CROSS boundaries. For instance, I don’t like things going up my bum. Therefore, my partner knows to stay clear from that area. In turn, he does not like knives. He revealed that pressing the butter knife against my skin made him feel extremely nervous. So we decided to substitute with something softer like a fuzzy paddle. Remember you both have boundaries and limits.
How it Plays Out
Rough sex is one thing. But abduction play is a whole-nother ball game. What we do during this scenario is less important than how it makes us feel. Speak openly with your partner about how you want to feel while playing out being kidnapped. For instance, do you want to feel desired? What about objectified? Or like me, completely helpless and humiliated? It’s the subtle things which make this fantasy most compelling for me, like the look in his eyes or the pressure of his hands around my neck. He’s magnificent at layering the action by speeding things up and sometimes slowing things downs. However, what’s most important is both of us feeling present in every single moment.
Brought to You by the Letter G
SM play is a thrilling adventure. But the excitement can turn into a sheer panic with the most subtle of actions. I’m not kidding around when it comes to stressing the importance of safe words. All play should be brought to an abrupt halt with one single word of phrase. Agree in advance on a safe word like ‘red’ for stop, or ‘yellow’ for you’re heading toward a limit or ‘green’ for amp up the action. Remember, safe words are for both partners, not just for the passive player.
The sexiest part of roleplaying is keeping the intimate connection with your partner. While you might enjoy playing the role of ‘victim’ during the scenario, please keep in mind you are ultimately responsible for your well-being. For any reason, if you start feeling uncomfortable or mentally disassociating, then STOP to reconnect. It’s quite alright to take a time out and put things back into perspective. This doesn’t mean you’ve failed! On the contrary, it can serve as a profound moment of closeness and growth. Remember—there’s a huge difference in being a victim versus playing the victim.
Abduction play is an extremely emotional and psychologically experience. No matter how long or short the session, the process of decompressing helps you both return to the real world. Aftercare can be done in various ways and its duration depends on the needs of each partner. My partner and I ended our session with a warm drink and some dark chocolate and talked and laughed about the experience. But some can benefit from cuddling with a cozy blanket, giving verbal praise, or gentle touching and massage. Take your time coming down together and share the experience openly.1