I can safely say that the orgasms I have now are about 3-10x better than the ones I used to have, and that isn’t hyperbole. Sex is much more exciting and much more satisfying, but that didn’t happen by accident, and it didn’t happen overnight.
I’ve always been fascinated by the female orgasm and that led me on a mission to see if I could improve my own. I did, and this is what I discovered along the way.
Please note that although this article is written primarily for women, but there is certainly plenty that is applicable to men.
Food and Exercise
I know, I know, food and exercise are the boring parts of this ‘better orgasms’ article. We’ve all read a thousand articles that say do more exercise and eat more healthily and life will be better, I’ll keep this section short.
Yoga, pilates, and even horse riding improved my orgasms. Yoga was one in particular for me but, in general, all exercise is good for more powerful orgasms. There are a few reasons for this like self-esteem (which we’ll come to later) which goes up as you get more fit and into shape, as well as the obvious physiological reasons like stronger vaginal muscles, better stamina, and stronger sexual energy. There are also psychological reasons, like reducing stress, and learning to ‘let go’ and ‘be in the moment’ that helped me learn to squirt that exercise helps a lot with.
Food is also important. When my body was full of toxins from unnatural, processed, dead food I was overweight, my hormones were out of balance and I got tired quickly. I was trying to derive pleasure from food, to make up for a lack of fulfillment elsewhere (especially in the bedroom.)
Now my sex life is so good that the pleasure I once got from unhealthy foods pales in comparison to the pleasure from sex and it’s easy to stick to wonderful, healthy, alive foods that give me energy rather than taking it.
Food and exercise habits tend to spiral up or down. This means one bad habit leads to another which end up reinforcing each other, it’s only down from there. On the other hand, good habits also reinforce each other, putting you into an upward spiral. You must be ‘aggressive’ and proactive to make sure your habits are spiraling upwards.
We all know about Kegels, yet very few people practice them on a regular basis. I know, it’s a weird exercise to actually do. It’s like they’re not important enough to set aside time for but we end up just forgetting to do them.
Kegels strengthen the vaginal muscles and were originally developed to help women after childbirth. Men can also do Kegels which help with premature ejaculation and strong erections.
During repeated orgasms (think multiple and stacked orgasms) your vaginal muscles (sorry if you’re a guy reading those words) get quickly fatigued and is the biggest barrier to continuing to orgasm.
With Kegels, I started small and made a goal to do just twenty a day, but every day. Even this will make a huge difference to your ‘vaginas stamina’ and you’ll be having better orgasms within a month.
Sexual Energy Flow
Energy is movement, and sexual energy should move within the body. Whenever energy stagnates, then it is no longer energy. Our bodies provide the pathways for energy to move and sexual energy does have a tendency to stagnate.
For men, energy stagnates in the genitals where it leads to the compulsive need to ejaculate, unfortunately, this ejaculation is like throwing away your life force. For couples who want a great sex life over many decades, the man should try to avoid ejaculating during sex each time. Unconsciously the man will begin to resent the women for taking his energy. (And that’s a rather esoteric topic for another article.)
Women’s energy also stagnates in tension spots around the body. The more stress, less healthy and less flowing exercise that we do leads to more and deeper tension spots that stop the flow of sexual energy around the body.
Luckily for us, the key to releasing this tension is through massage. Read more about erotic massage here.
For men, orgasm would be incomplete without ejaculation and I sometimes feel the same way, which is why I love squirting orgasms. Although it used to be completely unheard of for women to squirt it’s becoming more and more common, thanks to good information on the topic.
The key to making yourself squirt is to not be afraid of peeing. When women get turned on the female ejaculate builds up in the Skene’s gland and the pressure can feel similar to having a full bladder. Women hold back because we think we need to pee. During climax you’ll want to push out and ‘give birth to the orgasm,’ if you’re partner has hit the right spot then you’ll almost definitely squirt.
Letting go of Fear (as much as possible)
Letting go of fear was perhaps the most powerful way that I improved my orgasm and my sex life in general. There are three main types of fear that I’ll quickly address here. Sometimes exposing the fear and understanding it, can be all that is needed to start overcoming it.
Fear of being vulnerable is the first fear and comes up for women (and men) because sex is an act where we inherently make ourselves vulnerable to the other person, both emotionally and physically. Trust in yourself and in your partner is the first step to overcoming this fear.
Fear of arousing suppressed emotions is the second. Sex is emotional and it can open up and release deep emotions because of the intensity of the act. We all have emotions that we’d rather not deal with right now, so in sex, we hold back for fear of those emotions releasing themselves at an ‘inappropriate time.’ Try to understand those emotions and work through them separately so that you don’t have to hold back during sex.
Fear of losing control is the third. For women, this is a very real fear because an intense orgasm can sometimes make us lose control of our body. The best way to overcome this fear is having a trusting partner and training your body. Yoga, pilates, and Kegels all help a huge amount to increase the physical control we have over our body.
In conclusion, there’s a lot you can do to have a better orgasm. Pick one and work hard on it, trust me, the effort is totally worth it because you will be rewarded with stronger more powerful orgasms.
Laura runs School Of Squirt where her and her partner advocate squirting as part of a healthy sex life. When she isn’t teaching, writing or talking about sex you’ll find her on the tennis court or drinking kombucha.2