Anyone who has read any of our posts knows that we really love to express ideas on all things sex and sexy! That’s what makes us so darned special.  However, it does not take a neurosurgeon to figure out that before you begin applying any of our sexual savoir-faire, you’ve got to head in the right direction—the bedroom.

Now not to offend anyone, but there’s an old truism that goes something like this “women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.” Call it a sexist if you like, but trite sayings like this sometimes are the tiny nuggets of the truth. Basically, it comes down to this, in the vast mating game, men are the hunters and women, the game.

You can call it seduction, mood enhancement, or plain old clever salesmanship. In the interest of promoting connubiality, we offer the following five M to F romance tips, all of which have been endorsed by our in-house L.L.L.A.B. (Luscious Liberator Lady Advisory Board).

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1. Food is love.

We don’t mean a trough of spicy hot wings and pint. Dining out is okay, but we’re not shooting for mediocre. However, dining-in is special. In fact, dining together can be sexy, especially when it’s well prepped. To show that you are more than a sex machine, invite her over for a personally prepared meal. This panty-melter of an idea demonstrates that you are willing to spend the extra effort and it shows off your talent. Now, you don’t need to be a Michelin Rated Chef, but you do need to do some planning. A salad with some spaghetti, all placed nicely on a red checked tablecloth does have an irresistible charm. But first, find out what she likes, but more importantly, what she doesn’t like—especially when it comes to alcohol.

Unless you want her to take a siesta, or lengthy bathroom visits, avoid cooking with heavy, high-fat foods like cheese and cream sauce, and keep the portions modest. Women don’t want to look like gluttons on the first official date. Next, set the stage with flowers, a nice beverage and  scented oils and candles. During dessert, segway toward a more romantic setting, like the floor in front of the fireplace.

2. Gift like a pro.

If you want to get the girl, gifts are the way to go. We’re not talking about expensive jewelry or trips to the Cape, but a small gesture of something meaningful can really let her know that you are into her as a person. Like if she’s into anime, bring over a DVD she may like, or if you know she’s crazy about wine then bring over a nice bottle. When giving any type of gift, it’s all about the presentation. It may be a small gift, but show her the thought you put into it when you give it to her. Also if the sales associate asks, “may I wrap this for you?” say yes and please! No pain and no gain, right.

3. Dreams can be sexy.

Go to a movie, and see some hot stars—C+. Take her out on a summer’s night, to lie on a cozy blanket and watch the meteors shower, priceless! No one can stare at the heavens and not become inspired by such a seductive feeling. But before you venture there, invest some time on Google, and learn all about what you’ll be doing. Women love geeks. (Disclaimer: This will not work if your lady-friend is an astrophysicist).

4. Real men wear pink.

Confidence is a turn-on, but be careful not to cross the line into the arrogant zone. Confidence is a form of relaxed self-assurance, whereas egotistical arrogance is broadcasting of emotions at 50,000 watts. Are you comfortable in a pink sweater? Well Redford in The Great Gatsby did, and he scored a lot. Do you drive a Porsche 934 to compensate for certain shortcomings? Uhmm. A confident man can politely and quietly return a bottle of wine, while an arrogant crybaby, bitches loudly.

5. Share her interests and her sheets.

We know this is not your first choice, but it is recommended that you go shopping—with her, for shoes. No really, we mean it. It’s been scientifically proven (well not really) that women get turned on by trying on expensive shoes. So when she’s trying on a pair, get on your knees and slip one on her foot. This will be your chance to show a tender side when you run your hand gently up her calf. But adventures does not have to include shoe shopping.

In fact, make it fun with a drive through the country and an impromptu stop at your favorite antique stand. It does not have to be your favorite but these kinds of stores make some women giddy. Forget about the destination, it’s the journey with her that makes it worth your while and will help you to learn more about her. Plus, it allows her to see that there’s more to men than sports and sweat socks.

Congratulations, guys. By sticking with a few of these suggestions, you’ll show her that your interest is more than just sexual. She’ll see that you have some pretty incredible talent in getting to know her better. By the way, women love some transferrable skills.  Now that you’re done brushing up on how to close the deal, let’s get back to Earth, go to Hooters, and get drunk.

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