Asked by you, answered by Ava

Everyone’s love life deserves a second opinion. Ava is here to answer questions about Liberator products, your sex life, or sex in general. Curious about the best sex positions for a bad back? Wondering how to fit your playtime into a busy schedule? Trying to find the perfect toy to surprise your spouse with? Ava is here to help.

Email your question to askava@liberator.com.  And don’t worry—your secret is safe with her. We will not reveal your name or contact information at any point.

So ask away! No question is too small or too far out!

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I have a problem and could use some advice, as I’m sure you’ve gathered by the fact I’m messaging you. My partner is disabled and it’s caused a bit of trouble in the bedroom. While he’s perfectly functional and very romantic, his legs suffer from spastic diplegia which causes his legs to spasm and contract. It makes thrusting difficult and although we’ve tried angling my hips with pillows or blankets, it just doesn’t seem to work. We’ve both been eyeing the Liberator collection in hopes it has something that could help us out but we’re just not sure which one best suits the issue. Do you have any advice on this? So far we’ve been limited to me being on top but it’s just not working out.

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Ask Ava

I firmly believe that everyone can and should be having amazing, loving, and fulfilling sex. It’s the ‘how’ that gets in the way—especially for those with a disability. Luckily, it sounds like you and your husband have adventurous minds and are committed to exploring new ways to be intimate. This is the first step, and you are off to a great start.

Next up is to access the problem so that we can find a solution—and trust that there is one out there. From what you said, it sounds like being on his knees or feet and thrusting forward can cause his leg spasms. The pressure applied when he thrusts from a missionary or off-the-bed position can make the tightened muscles around the hips very uncomfortable, especially if his legs are spread.

Fortuitously, I think there are a few positions you can try, and, of course, a few Liberator products that can help you achieve them. This is one area we are very proud to shine in.

While you are using pillows currently, they inevitably shift and flatten out. Not so with our furniture-grade foam interiors. You will not shift or sink throughout your session, and he won’t have to fight the bed to get close. You’ll be lifted up for better access, so even if he is on his knees, he will not have to bend down to reach you. If you are looking for traditional missionary sex, the Wedge/Ramp Combo has the most versatility and stability on the bed.

Some of our Shapes provide motion, as well. I think these would be great for you to try. I would start with the Jaz Motion. It’s just like our very popular Wedge, but it has a curved side so you can rock back and forth. I was surprised when I tried it that so much movement came out of a little pillow. I think this will help because instead of him creating all the movement, he can work with the Shape to get some momentum.

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Another option to start with is the Whirl. It’s round so it can provide the same back-and-forth rocking motion. Plus, it looks classy when left out on your bed. I would choose the Whirl if you are looking for more off-the-bed positions where he is standing. Depending on the height of your bed, it can lift you up so he doesn’ have to stoop down. My fav way to use it is to lay my whole torso on top of it for off-the-bed doggy. If you can match the height to his waist, he should be able to make small movements with a big impact.

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The Whirl is also great in between your legs and you both lying on your side. Some people say that this position is easy for those with spastic diplegia because he can keep his legs closed and you can push back into him easily. The Whirl makes this comfortable for you and opens you up. You’ll still be controlling the movement, but it will be a lot easier on you than being on top.

When you are ready, take a leap and try the Scoop. It’s a wild ride with a lot of movement. With this Shape, it may be possible for him to use his hands to push the Scoop into motion while you can sit back and enjoy the ride. Like the big brother to the Jaz Motion, you can use it on the flat side or the curved side.

If he is comfortable, you can try a lotus position on top, where he is sitting on it and you sit on top with your legs wrapped around. Use the rocking motion as your thrust, and you can place your feet on the ground to give you a push. Use lots of lube to make sure you don’t face any friction!

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Every body is different, and it may be that you guys work best with you on top. I would suggest investing in a Liberator Esse Chaise if this is your go-to position. It will make it a lot easier on your thighs, and it may help him too by placing him at a really comfortable angle in the middle. Also, if your bed is not the right height for sex, you can sit or lean over the big hump for easy access, although you may need Flip Stage added depending on his height.

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If you cannot find a position that works for you, there are still sexy ways to be intimate. Mutual masturbation is an amazing bonding experience, and many couples actually prefer that over sex. And your Liberator Shape should make it a lot easier for him to go down on you. It’ll lift you up some of the strain will be taken off his neck, as well as making you feel more sensations by tilting your pelvis to that perfect angle. Even beyond the physical act, something kinky like him spanking you or role play can keep your experiments spicy without traditional P-in-V sex.

Sex is about so much more than the position you are in—it’s about the joy of being close to someone you love, and it sounds like you have that in spades. Remember, it’s the journey, not the destination, and if something doesn’t work the first time it can take a bit of practice to get everything flowing as it should. Stay patient and communicate. There is a world of sexy, wild, intimate things for you to try.

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