Jealousy seldom makes any relationship feel more secure, let alone a sexual one. In fact, although we may want comfort and affection because of jealousy, it is more likely to drive someone away rather than bring them closer. It can lead to strange behavior—like checking their text messages to stalking their friends on Facebook.
Even the most stable are not immune to the feelings of doubt, paranoia, and anxiety that jealousy can bring on. Perhaps one of the worst feelings in the world, a little bit of jealousy is normal from time to time. But like an invisible parasite, unchecked jealousy can cause the green-eyed monster to grow into something just that—monstrous.
An important part of overcoming jealousy is understanding where it comes from. Suspicions and worry primarily arise from insecurities within ourselves. What are you really angry about or scared of? We’re often told that jealousy is permissible through movies and TV. The jealous girlfriend and cuckolded boyfriend are tropes that should have no affect on your relationship.
The only way to defeat the green-eyed monster is immediately addressing your concerns and not sweeping it under the rug. Here are five practical ways you can deal with jealousy and come out the other side in the healthiest way possible.
5 Ways of Overcoming Jealousy
Nothing Compares to You
Comparing either yourself or your partner to previous relationships (or anything else) is a sure fire way of fertilizing the green-eyed monster. I can recall one relationship where my jealousy of previous partner’s “stripper” girlfriends led me to obsess about my own flaws. One of the best ways of nurturing a sexual relationship is having the confidence in your own abilities, skills, and talents, especially in the bedroom. Remember, you are unique and special and your partner is choosing to be with you—not them.
Misery Loves Company
Being annoyed or angry with our partner is par for the course. But constantly stuffing your feelings is not. In fact, repressing your emotions can lead to greater feelings of inadequacy. Don’t let jealousy fester and just say what’s on your mind. Yeah, you may run the risk of getting into an argument, but working things out can lead to a happier and healthier relationship. If you can discuss jealous feelings early on in the relationship then it’s likely you can catch things before your feelings get out of control. Plus, talking it out can bring some honesty and evenhandedness to the situation. Also, if your partner wants to share something, stop and take the time to listen. Misery loves company, and constant jealousy is the perfect invite!
The Usual Suspects
Sexual relationships thrive on freedom—the freedom of being real and authentic. Having mistrust and suspicion toward your partner can wind up being an emotional prison for both lovers. The song Every Breath You Take by Sting is a prime example of how jealousy easily puts a stranglehold on relationships. Constant suspicion and accusations can make anyone feel like they’re suffocating. You can overcome this form of jealous behavior by giving each other space and encouragement to grow autonomously.
Having mutual trust helps create a stronger foundation to any sexual relationship.
Stop Playing Games
We’ve all been guilty of using someone or something as ammunition to get back at someone else. But provoking jealous reactions in your partner really does not make anyone feel better in the long run. Ditch the game show antics and keep your relationship intact by honoring your partner. If they like harmless flirting, then allow them a little wiggle room. You don’t have to rely on jealousy to make the relationship feel more secure. Offer your partner reassurance by showing them love and affection. Praise each other, plan positive experience, and refrain from using criticism, sarcasm, labeling to make each other feel better.
There is truth to the statement that couples who play together, stay together! When focusing your attention on your partner and relationship it makes it difficult for jealousy to take root. Creating pleasure days together is a great way of developing and reinforcing positive behaviors. For example, you can create a menu of options that include foot massages, cooking together, walk in the park, or focusing on having orgasms. Positive reinforcement is the glue that keeps your sexual foundation from crumbling.4