Written by Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
It is funny what men think excites women. I found a blog and e-book written by a man who is teaching men that all you have to do is keep grinding away (before she is wet) and she eventually will be…. then in a sultry voice, tell her to come, just like pushing a button, there you go, she orgasms
Unfortunately in the real world that is not what gets a woman over the orgasm hump. In fact, putting pressure on a woman to come on command, may perpetuate the problem further. Telling a woman to come, puts incredible pressure on her to perform. Can you imagine guys if your woman looked at your package and demanded, “Get hard, right now!” or “COME RIGHT NOW!” Could you, on command? Most men however, in the heat of the moment when asked to come, can.
What works for men, however, does not work the same way for women. We are wired very differently. In fact, men have been wired to orgasm easily and quickly. This way they are able to procreate, spreading their seeds faster and further. Women have been wired, NOT to orgasm, because orgasm creates acidity in the vagina which kills sperm. Maybe women need to be more vocal. The reason women aren’t talking is because we don’t want to hurt you. So much of a man’s self esteem is based on his virility and ability to pleasure his woman. If you aren’t doing it the way she needs it, your woman is more than likely faking it.
Going on websites where men are attempting to teach other men, is like the blind leading the blind. Seriously, who would you rather take advice from a woman who has been non-orgasmic and knows the physiology of a woman’s body, and what is needed, or a man who THINKS he does?
Women love having men that multi-task. They can kiss and lick and bite a nipple at the same time as they are using their nimble fingers on their sensitive clitoris or gently inside their vagina.
Take Her Off the Clock
If you can get her to relax and not worry about the time, she can focus on her own pleasure. Focusing on how long it takes, is why many women don’t unwind enough to orgasm. They are so worried they are taking too long, worried about you, are you getting tired, impatient or concerned about the time, rather than focusing on the situation at hand, so to speak. Men make love to women the way THEY want to be made love to.
When I interviewed women for my book, their main complaint was that men THINK they know what we need, do it their way and leave their women frustrated and non-orgasmic. 75% of women do not, I repeat, DO NOT orgasm through penetrative sex (penis in the vagina). Yet men continue to have sex with women in this way. Yes, only 25% of women can orgasm through a penis in the vagina alone. I would like to hear how many men knew about this statistic.
So women continue to fake it 80% of the time. Eventually, women get really tired of faking it and either divorce you, or quit having sex with you. Either way, there are better alternatives.
The Orgasm Gap Problem
Most men are ready to go and can come within 2 – 7 minutes. (Some men have what I call HTP – Hair-Trigger Penis and come way too fast – under 2 minutes.) Most women need 20 to 40 minutes of oral, clitoral stimulation, or digital stimulation. to be turned on enough to have an orgasm. If you don’t give her the foreplay, (digital – a finger, not a camera, silly!) or tongue stimulation on the clitoris and a manually inserted finger just inside the vagina at the same time for long enough to get her really turned on, she won’t have an orgasm.The real problem is that most men say, “Oh not my woman, she comes in less than 5 minutes.” My assertion, is that you are not recognizing that she is faking her orgasms. The women I have interviewed say their men have no idea! 80% of women fake it, for a reason. Most men do not get their woman turned on enough to have an orgasm.
What Women Need
1.Turn on her mind.
Women need to be completely present, in the moment, rather than worried about the kids, guest in the next room, or whether the dishes have been done or not. Women need to have their mind turned on first. Sex begins in the mind. Women need to be told they look and feel beautiful. That they smell amazing. They need to feel good about themselves. Sexy, beautiful and appreciated by you. If you tell them they are a lousy lay, they might not want to have sex with you again. If you had a fight earlier in the day, you need to apologize, because her mind is still on the argument. She won’t be able to have sex with you, if she is upset or angry. unlike men, sex de-stresses them. Women need to be stress-free to want sex.
2.Give her time to get really turned on.
Women need 20 – 40 minutes of stimulation to have an orgasm. Where most men can be ready to go as soon as they see a naked woman. Men usually come within 3 minutes of entering a vagina, 7 minutes at the outside. If women need 20 – 40 minutes, entering her too quickly is a BIG PROBLEM! Women are not like men. They are slow to warm up. Every woman is capable of having a G-spot orgasm. Yet, many women do not they even have a G-spot because their partners have never gotten them heated up to the point that the G-spot becomes evident. The G-spot needs 20 minutes or more of gentle massage, oral and vaginal stimulation to begin to swell. Then you can feel it on the upper wall of the vagina. It is about the size of a quarter, slightly ribbed, comprised of erectile tissue. Often through vaginal intercourse, a women begins to get to the point of being aroused enough for the G-spot to awaken and be turned on when her partner comes. A wonderful combination of oral stimulation alternating with thrusting, pulling out and then more oral stimulation, thrusting and then more oral, can get a woman to that unbelievable high place to have an orgasm that she will never forget. With regular stimulation the G-pspot will take less and less time to become engorged. However, a woman who has had sexual trauma, most likely needs some sexual healing. If it is tender to the touch, that is the case.
3. A good tongue lashing!
Penile penetration alone will not get 75% of the female population to orgasm. So give her what she needs. Most men love oral. The fastest way to get a woman to orgasm is orally. If you can’t perform oral long enough, buy a vibrator and stimulate her that way. A finger and a tongue can go a long way to pleasuring your woman. Get creative. See what works best for your partner.
Surprising Secrets Most Men Don’t Get
Women are not microwavable? WHAT? Women are not fast to heat up like a microwave. They need time to warm up.
Just because she is wet, does not mean she is ready for penetration. A wet vagina does not indicate the state of arousal. Even after a woman gets wet, she needs time for her vagina to become engorged. The vagina lengthens and swells, but it takes more than a few finger thrusts to do so. Giver her the time she needs. Kiss, lick, suck other body parts. Massage her.
Spend time elsewhere turning her whole body on before you start banging away. If you enter her too soon, you could tear the tender tissue. Once you have torn her, sex is painful. It is very difficult to come when you are experiencing the pain of a tear near the perineum. Older women need lubrication, even when they are wet. The quality of their natural lubrication is less viscous. Their vaginal tissues become fragile and often atrophy.
Make love to her the way she needs, rather than the way you want sex. Women need a slow build. Kissing, massage, all over touch, not target practice straight to the vagina. Remember women have breasts, lips above and below the waist, fingers, hands, a neck, inner thighs and even toes that can be excited. When you excite her whole body, the experience for both of you will be much more explosive and passionate. Read my book, Orgasm For Life, for step by step instructions on G-spot orgasm, oral stimulation and so much more.
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is the author of Orgasm For Life, as well as a sex, love and relationship coach. She writes from personal experience with warmth, directness and an openness that is refreshing. As an Intuitive healer, hypnotherapist, Neurolinguistic Programming Practitioner and energy healer, she is unusually adept at getting to the root of her client’s issues quickly. Her website is JenniferElizabethMasters.com