By Norma Granz
I once came across an article where the author said, “If being fat makes a person ‘untouchable,’ then that’s a powerful confounding claim about weight and health.” That got me thinking about how fat people are presented (and women in general) as not worthy of any physical contact or sexual interest. Although I’m guilty of once shielding myself from the anticipation of rejection by shunning the even the desire to be touched, I feel it’s important to open yourself to receiving sensory intimacy. Not only from my partner but from yourself.
Big gals, like me, may not look like we give ourselves much self-love, but the truth is I try to ‘flick the bean’ every chance possible. Personally, I suggest that any fat girl gets down with getting off. Not only do you connect with yourself in a tactile way, but you get to explore the pleasure centers of your body. Plus, the increase of endorphins and other hormones make you feel pretty damn sexy.
Masturbation teaches you what you like and don’t like, which is beneficial when having sex. You’ll know which spots are a Yes and which are a No-Go. You’ll also learn to experience fantasy and how to exist sexually. But all of that is easier said than done.
Masturbating for fat girls can have a great degree of difficulty and requires some planning. I can’t simply rub one off and go on about my day. Nope, this type of pleasure takes a diorama of props, tools, toys, but most of all motivation. First, I have to decide whether to go fully nude or simply pants off. Secondly, the location has just as much significance as the porn I watch. Then, the rigging of the pillows, hips, shoulders, and legs. By the time I’m about to get down to it—fuck! I need a nap. Really—getting to the sweet spot is like trying to find candy at the bottom of your purse. You really have to want it and be a willing reach for it.
When you’ve used the defense mechanism of bottling up the desire to be touched for so long, it takes the time to reintroduce yourself to it. As you all may know from my previous posting, I recently received a Liberator Wedge/Ramp Combo. These Shapes have been a sex-life saver and added, literally, a ton more fun to the bedroom. At first, I thought the Combo would only serve my partner and m, but then, a ‘lightbulb’ moment. Why not take just the plus-size Wedge, and experiment with my own version of “love thyself” and feel what it’s like to really connect with my body.
What’s Your Angle?
Now for someone who’s tipping the scale at over 300-pounds, it can be hard to maneuver oneself to reach the basket of goods. Since most of my weight are in the thighs and hips, I require more of a tilt and lift. My initial thought was to place the Wedge directly under my upper back, but that did not feel comfortable. What did work was actually wedging the Shape, like a pizza slice under my bum? At first, it felt counterintuitive, but it took the heaviest part of my body up and leverage up and over my stomach. I now had plenty of arms reach without the shoulder strain.
Time Worth Taking
With the Wedge firmly planted beneath my bum, I felt comfortable to try some new things. You see, the thing about big gals is that we sometimes have to rush the process for fear of our limbs giving out way before the climax. What this position did was allow me to reach further since the gravity was finally working in my favor. This was a completely different tactile experience. Feeling the skin of my lips, the roundness of my vagina, was all new to me. I could spread my vulva and explore the senses. The entire time, I was present while fantasizing about roller skating on some cloud and then falling down onto a total stranger’s dick.
More to Come
Honestly, before Liberator, I was a lights-out only girl. Now, I’m totally comfortable with the lights on because, basically, I feel sexy about my body. With the Wedge, the Ramp, or both of them together, I am finally able to find pleasure in my own body without a whole bunch of negative shit rolling around in my head. All of this sexual touch has been beneficial. I can now appreciate how it feels to let the touching in without having to immediately immerse yourself in a situation that you find uncomfortable.
I’m aware that masturbation is not a cure-all for body image issues. But it is sure a part of the healthy self-esteem diet and a hell of a lot of fun! It’s important to note that the defense mechanism of avoiding touch isn’t an invalid coping method, it’s one that can lead to sexual disregard. Accepting your body is something that takes some time, but with a lift and boost, we can all work toward changing the attitude toward sexual self-love.
Written by Norma Granz, a contributor for Liberator UnZipped. A recognized voice for “Big Love,” Norma is at the forefront of the Body Awareness Movement. She’s a dedicated voice for plus-size sex and offers a new perspective on size diversity and sexual expression. Her goal, to finally abolish weight-stigma and garner support every body so that they can pursue their own sexual gratification and expression.1