Snogging and other words that don’t sound dirty

Last month I visited England for the first time. While spending an evening with a few Londoners in SOHO one night, I got really tickled at listening to their slang. Keeping up with their reputation for properness, I noticed even their sex slang doesn’t sound dirty. Some of it I had heard before. I mean, I’ve watched all the Austin Powers’ movies. I’ve definitely been “randy” a time or two. There were a few others, however, that I didn’t know. So of course me being me, I had to ask! I thought I’d share some of them with you.

Boff: to have intercourse with someone. “She took me back to the flat and boffed my brains out.”
Cop Of: to make out with someone. “I’m pretty sure I saw your friend copping off with some guy in the corner of that crowded bar.”
Johnny: A condom. “She had to wait for him to stop and put on a Johnny before they could continue.”
Knob: can have three meanings. The first being a name for the penis. “My pants are tugging at my knob” The second meaning is to use the penis for sex. “She took a good knobbing from old Tommy boy.” The third is used as an insult. “My boss is such a knob. He’s always looking at my breasts.”
Leg Over: Talking someone into sex. “I believe she is still trying to get her leg over on that blonde guy at the office.”
On the Pull: Looking to hook up with someone for the night. “Going out with my blokes tonight looking for girls on the pull.”
Romp: Exerting, recreational sex. “She decided a romp with the boss is exactly what she needed to get ahead.”
Tidy: A hot girl/guy. “Check out the tidy girl with the big boobs over there.”
Slapper: Another word for slut. “That slapper has been trying to get my boyfriend’s attention all night!”
Kappa-Slappa: A low class girl. There seems to be a lot of names for low-class girls. I wonder what the standard for low class is.
Rumpy pumpy: Sex. That word almost sounds too cute to be about sex.
Snogging: To tongue/French kiss. Although, I’ve been to France and they have no idea what a French Kiss is. If you ask them, they look at you like you are crazy.
Vinegar Strokes: Masturbation. I honestly don’t even have a sentence for this one. How do you get masturbation from that?

Then of course there are words that the British use that are absolutely not sexually related, but that totally sound like they are.

Action Man: An action figure. Sounds more to me like a guy good in the sack!
Banger: Three uses for this word too. A sausage, fireworks or an old car. This word sounds like a guy good in the sack too!
Balls-up: An error or mistake. I would say this could also be used when a guy is lying on his back with a girl riding on top of him. “OK, darlin’ you climb on here while I’m balls up.”
Bleeder: Slang for a stupid person. I’m thinking a virgin or a girl on her period.
Bugger: An exclamation of being annoyed. I believe this has an alternate “back end” use too, if I’m not mistaken.
Butty: A sandwich. Sounds like a cute way to say butt.
Candy floss: Cotton Candy. Candy floss sounds like when you get a cute girls pubic hair between your teeth while performing oral.
Gobsmacked: Astonished. This to me sounds like that thing guys do when they are naked and smack their penis back and forth. A reference for that would be the scene in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” where Jason Segel says “I’ve got a surprise for you!”
Green Fingers: Means the same as our saying “Green Thumb” however green fingers just sounds too much like someone has had their fingers where they should not have been!
Higgledy-Piggledy: In disarray. I can think of a couple of acts that higgledy-piggledy could stand for.
Knackered: Tired or exhausted. Perhaps from too much sex, hmmmm?
Nobble: Sabotage. That sounds too much like knob. “He nobbled my knob!”
Rubber: A pencil eraser. I have an English friend that found herself in an embarrassing situation asking for a rubber in the wrong place here in the U.S!

That’s it for now. The lists go on and on, but I think you get the idea! Until next time my friends! Pip pip, cherio and Top o’ the morning to you! Oh wait, that last one is Irish. We’ll talk about them some time and how they like kissing stones!

To read more of Angel’s work you can find her at www.angelmaynard.com.