Late At Night

I lay in bed with the lights out and just the sound of the radio playing softly in the background.  I can hear the sound of my heart beating in my ear; my breath is shallow and slow.  I just finished talking to him on the phone, but in my mind thoughts of him remain.  First, the thought of how he makes me smile or seems to understand what my needs are. He asks questions and listens without passing judgment about my decisions or me.

I miss him.  He is so far away from me right now, though, and all I have are the thoughts of him and what I would do if he were here with me.  My mind starts to wander. At first I am surprised by the feeling in my stomach and twinge in between my legs.  I am scared at first of the sensation; it is familiar but distant at the same time. It has been a long time since thoughts made me feel so horny. Saying that forces me to look around as though someone is watching me. I shouldn’t feel shame but still I do.

Now my breathing is starting to increase and my curiosity is starting to peak at the familiar sensations, and I know this is not my first rodeo. But it has become so foreign that I can’t help but feel like this is the first time with myself.  I think, “This is wrong, I don’t deserve this,” but I want it. I want him so bad.

I take a deep breath as the thought of him being next to me runs through my mind. I can feel myself rubbing my hands across his muscular stomach (he as the most amazing six pack).  My thoughts go to him pressing is soft full lips against mine. Every time that happens, my heart feels like it is going to burst! My nipples perk up and become alive, and then I can feel my vagina start to moisten as my thoughts start to remember those kisses.  Those kisses that start off so slow and innocent and escalate to passionate kissing. He wraps his strong hands around me and pulls me close. I am safe when this happens; nothing can touch me.

I feel my guard let down, and what was once a mild throbbing has caught up with the beat of my heart, and it is as if they are one.  I open my eyes and realize I am in my own head. My memories of him blur into my reality.  I want to explore the neglected relationship I have with myself, so I take my hand and slightly rub my left nipple with just the tip of my finger and feel how enlarged it has become from the thought of it being his hand. I pinch it slightly and twist, which sends a pulse through my whole body. It feels like an earthquake as the sensation ripples through me.

I hear my breath start to increase as my other hand moves down my stomach to the top of shorts. I slip my hand under and feel that my clit has swelled to double its normal size, and the slight brush of it is overwhelming. When did I become so sensitive? I am scared to touch it again so soon; I don’t want this to end yet. So I keep moving my hand downward to my vagina. I am dripping wet.

The last time I felt this, he was here spreading me open using his fingers first to make sure that I was ready. I remember how he would slowly slide his fingers on the lips and slowly move them open them and slide his finger inside me. I do the same now with the thoughts of him. I bite my lip and release as I start to motion in and out with my finger pressing my palm onto my clit to apply the pressure I usually got from him when our pelvis’s grinded against one another. First the motion started slow, but with each stroke I could feel my body starting to take over, breathing increasing, speed increasing.

I am starting to get a rhythm. My free hand is no longer playing with my nipples–it has gravitated to the bed to help as my fingers drive into the sheets for balance. Faster as I move my hand in and out while pressing hard on clit and my mind is remembering how each stroke felt as he pressed himself in and out of me.  I want to come. I want to release this volcano of ecstasy.

I take a deep breath, and I feel my legs collapse on my hands tightly. I begin to shutter. My toes are curled, I am grasping the bed, and I moan to release. I shutter again as the orgasm lasts longer than I expected; it is as if it is coming in waves. I begin to move my hand out of my shorts, but I reach my clit and begin to slowly move in a circular motion just around the enlarged part, and as if my body was an orchestra on cue, I begin to feel myself reload.

I start off with small slow strokes as my mind imagines it is his tongue. I go to the memory of how he would use the same motion with his tongue, only speeding up as he felt me move. I follow suit with my memory of what he does to me.  With each widening stroke I sway my hips, thrusting them into my hand. I am shocked at how forceful I can be! I press harder into my hand, and I can feel it again. As I come, his name escapes my mouth along with a moan and the release of ecstasy from my body. “Wow that was amazing!” I think to myself. I never knew I could make myself feel so satisfied.

I wish he were here so I could tell him how amazing he was. I grab my pillow and blanket and cuddle with it, waiting for him to return and remove me from my lonely nights.