Erotic Story Telling and The Power of Fantasy

Have you ever been so stuck in your head that when you try to have sex with a lover you can’t focus on what is happening in the moment?

When sex is just about to begin, my mind often starts going crazy. It’s like a monkey jumping around saying, “Look at me! Over here! No, over here! Hey you, HERE!” as it jumps from thought to thought to thought. You may have experienced “monkey mind” at any moment during sex. It’s that voice that starts drifting away from your lover’s touch, away from the pleasure in your body, and starts solving problems, or thinking of some past event.

There are a lot of tools to help massage the monkey and calm him down. You can try breathing, you can try a variety of body sensations (like slapping, nibbling or tickling), and you can try making sounds. But one of the most powerful methods is through the use of erotic storytelling.

Sexy storytelling works, especially for the female brain. In my sex research, I’ve learned that women’s brains function differently than men’s. Women can get really turned on through their ears, which leads to their brain, which leads to turn-on down under.

I was recently working with a student enrolled in my Ultimate Lover Training. He’d had a major breakthough with his girlfriend when he told her an erotic story. He virtually controlled her orgasm. He used lots of details to engage her senses. He described what the characters looked like, how they behaved, what they smelled like and how they touched her. He put her into the story, which activated her mind. The subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between the imagination and what is real.

Try this exercise. Close your eyes. Imagine your kitchen. On the counter is a ripe, juicy lemon. You take a knife and cut the lemon in half, then in fourths. You pick up the lemon, smell it, place it in your mouth and bite down on it; the juice fills your mouth. As you imagine this notice what happens in your mouth.

Erotic storytelling not only helps the mind to focus on the sensual realm, it can also affect the physical body, which you may have experienced when you imagined the lemon. This is a perfect example of the mind not knowing the difference between the real and the imagined.

You can use this during sex. In my student’s case he was able to get his partner so aroused with words, that on the command to have an orgasm. she came. Now that he had this new found awareness that sexy talk was a turn-on for her, he could use this to help her get into her body and experience pleasure even more.

Since I am a sex educator who has to practice what she preaches, I had to try it for myself. My monkey mind was in full force, so I asked my partner to tell me an erotic story to see if it would work. I closed my eyes as my partner started to lightly stroke my body. He put his lips close to my ear and started setting the scene.

I was in a room with only a table. My partner placed himself in the room, sitting in the corner, watching the scene. He described every detail and how I reacted to the situation. My body responded. He hadn’t touched my genitals at all, and I was wetter than I have been in a very long time. The best part though, was that my mind was completely focused on the story and visualizing everything he described. This led to one of the most sensual and erotic experiences we have had together.

I highly recommend trying it out for yourself. It may feel a bit weird at first, but once you get the hang of it, it can be really fun. If you are telling the story, make sure to be really descriptive: describe the setting, the colors, the smells, the feelings, and the sounds in the room. Describe what is happening in your lover’s body. “You feel his hands on your breasts and your body shivers. You start to breathe deeply as you feel his body close to you.” It might help to actually read some good erotica for some inspiration.

If you are receiving the story it helps to close your eyes and really let you mind go to the places where your partner is taking you. You may even want to to tell your partner what kind of fantasy you would like. Perhaps you want a little bondage, or maybe multiple sexual partners, perhaps you want to play with a new vibrator, or what about getting an erotic massage in a foreign land. Remember that you can go anywhere in your head, and there is no shame in playing in your mind. When you get really good at this, you and your partner can take turns driving the story forward.

The biggest tip I can give you is to have fun, be open, and let yourself really get into it. Erotic storytelling is a powerful aphrodisiac; it gets you in a sensual head space, and can take your body into exquisite pleasure. Try it, you might just discover, like I did, that you like it!

Jaiya is a Certified Sex Educator, Sexological Bodyworker and Tantric Sex Teacher. She is the co-author of Red Hot Touch: A Head-To-Toe Handbook for Mind Blowing Orgasms and the producer, writer, narrator and star of the DVD series by the same title.