If you’d like to reopen the possibility of playing with your wife’s backdoor, you must ensure that the experience is pleasurable for her. Many women feel pressured to have anal sex and oftentimes their first experience was not pleasurable. The best time to bring up the topic is when you aren’t having sex.
It’s totally normal feeling nervous about something new. Geez, we all feel some anxiety when experiencing something for the first time- whether or not it’s sexual. I think it’s wonderful you are asking for advice. Education is one of the best ways in empowering partners to explore anal play.
Going from zero to the penis is a no-no. The anal sphincter may be strong, but it is also very delicate. It’s best when starting small. You can begin by using fingers and then working your way towards something larger such as a butt plug. A small vibrating anal toy, like the b-Vibe Novice Plug, is a great option because it’s almost the size of a finger and is great a transition from fingers to toys.
Pleasurable anal play is 90% preparation, and that includes getting mentally prepared. That’s even truer if you’ve had uncomfortable or painful experiences in the past because your body will expect the same thing again, which makes the anus tighten up.
It’s possible that anal penetration may never be in the cards for you. But that does not mean you can’t both enjoy anal play. Before giving up, however; may I suggest a few things that can help you both progress toward having actual penetrative anal sex. Here’s a road map that may help lead to you both to penetration.
Lubrication is your best friend for anal play because unlike the vagina, the anus is not self-lubricating. The right lubricant can make anal play feel amazing. With so many different varieties of lube to choose from, it can be a bit overwhelming.
Using a dental dam may keep your saliva from disrupting what she’s got going on down there. You can make one yourself from a super thin condom or latex glove. Just use a bit of silicone-based lube on her to keep it from getting tacky and lick away.