Q: My lover and I just started ass play (on him). He enjoys it a lot, but sometimes asks me to stop due to sensations that he needs to poop. Sometimes there is an actual need to, other times not. What kinds of sensations are to be expected, and is there a way to tell for sure when you gotta go, or is the feeling just part of the territory? Thanks.
A: Ah, anal sex—the mysterious game of “What’s in my butt?” For our entire pre-anal lives, the ass had one job and one job only—so introducing this new dimension can trip up our bodies a bit. But don’t worry, the sensations your guy’s feeling are totally normal, and totally worth working through because he will get amazing stimulation through massaging their prostate, known as the P-spot.
The thing is, that part of the body is typically accustomed to stuff going out of it rather than in, so what he’s feeling is his body’s natural reaction to having the rectum filled. There are two main muscles at work in the ass—the internal and external sphincters—and only the external one can be controlled voluntarily, so there’s always going to be some resistance. An odd “reverse poop” feeling is common during insertion, as well as discomfort like a dull ache or burning sensation. Sharp or intense pain isn’t good though, and might mean you’re trying too much too fast, or that you need more lube.
Positions definitely make a difference too. A lot of people associate anal sex with doggy style by default, but that can actually make it harder for the muscles to relax. Lying on his side will provide more comfortable access and a more relaxed angle for penetration. Another great way to get him to relax is by using your tongue. A lot like cunnilingus, gently probing those depths will get him loosened up for the big finale.
He might want to visit the bathroom beforehand or try using an anal enema, just to make sure nothing needs to come out first. Your best bet is to always start slow, and start small. When it comes to anal, there’s no such thing as too much lube. The “gotta go” feeling could also come from being too full, so make sure you start out with just one finger, getting the area fully relaxed and stretched before moving further.
Most likely, the more you guys experiment, he’ll get more used to it and be able to distinguish between fake-poo and real-poo sensations. The majority of the time, it’s all in your head, so as you learn to relax with practice, the feeling tends to go away. Anal opens up lots of sexy new doors (sort of literally!), so enjoy the ride!
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